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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can anyone please advise

4 replies

chanandlerbonggg · 20/07/2020 11:20

I have walked out of an abusive relationship and now things are much much harder, I knew things were going to be this way which is why I was so scared to leave initially.

I have 2 children with this person, but we're not married and do not own the house we were living in. I am getting back on my feet, I have found a house after me and the children sharing a room for 5 weeks, I don't have a lot of money but have a good support network and a good job which I unfortunately think I may have to leave, but will do anything to make me and the kids happy.

The hard thing is he and his family are threatening going to their family lawyer, paid for by his parents and I am just really frightened of what may happen. He is saying I have no rights as I cheated once.I told him the truth as soon as it had happened which I understand is absolutely no excuse and have never excused the stupid mistake I made. He has always been abusive physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally and sexually. I have never told anyone until now, but I think I need to go to the police to get things documented, I have a few pictures and videos of bruises. I am just so scared and so frightened of him and what may happen to me and the children or what might happen as I supposedly have no rights. He uses the abuse against me and says it was my fault and has even told his family I was the one that was violent as he has a scar from a scratch that was made in self defence when he was strangling me, he can manipulate a situation with ease and is very calculated and nasty with his words, I am so afraid of not being believed or if he takes me to court, I've never experienced this before and just really don't know what to expect I would really appreciate any advice from anyone who has been through this before or experienced someone so manipulative thank you x

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 20/07/2020 11:53

Contact Women's Aid or your local Violence against Women group.

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
www.womensaid.org.uk/

hellsbellsmelons · 20/07/2020 12:30

Speak asap to Womens Aid
Also Rights of Women
Call 101 and ask for the DV and report everything.

He is saying I have no rights as I cheated once - He is talking absolute bollox on this. Stop listening to him.
Cheating does not take away any rights you have - not even a little bit. You aren't even married so you didn't break any marriage vows or anything. They are YOUR children and your are the RP and main carer.
But get the abuse logged with the Police ASAP.
Talk to the other agencies and get their support too.
He is trying to frighten you and it's working.
But he is talking out of his arse!!!!
Please believe us on that!

Anordinarymum · 20/07/2020 12:33

Why do they always threaten with lawyers. My husband did just that.
You do have rights. You have human rights. He wants to strip you down mentally when you are at your lowest point. Don't allow him to get you down. Be proactive and speak to women's aid. Best wishes

feelingfree17 · 20/07/2020 12:39

You have been conditioned by him to believe everything he says is true.
You must stop listening to him, it is all done to frighten you and take away your power.
Get the abuse logged and seek the support that is fortunately out there today.
Good luck OP you can do it.

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