Was i being unreasonable

[Trina001]

My partner and I were together a few years, we have dd together and we live together.

We broke up on Saturday, mainly because he was never here recently. He got himself a hobby for the days he was not working, i didnt think he would spend all his days off doing this hobby but recently he did. Aswel as being away doing his thing during the day til late in the evening he started going out drinking more at night on weekends which left me at home with our dd. We never had family time, we didnt do anything as a couple. The one evening we went for dinner since lockdown he went out to drink after.

Was i being unreasonable to ask him to leave because he had no time for us, because i felt like he was taking me for granted?

No of course not. You're not his mother. He should have been an equal parent and an equal partner. He is a selfish man. Why would you even doubt yourself?

Make sure you have accurate maintenance in place for your child and you have a plan for when he has her. I think he is most likely going to want to shirk his parental responsibilities quite frequently looking at his current behaviours.

When do you want him to have her? When does he want to have her?

Make sure he doesnt get every weekend. He should be responsible for school runs and homework just as much as you. He isnt a fun uncle. He doesnt just get weekends and no reaponsibility.

You don’t need a reason to end something, being unhappy is reason enough. Unless you’ve ended it as a manipulative way to try to force him to spend time with you Ie we can stay together if you stop your hobby.

Then that’s manipulative and shitty.

No you were not unreasonable. He is living the single life while having the cosy family at home too. Its good to still have your own life but it has to be on equal terms. Well done you for not putting up with it. He would only have gotten worse.

Our dd is only 1 year old. He has said he doesn't know what way he wants to work access yet. I will no doubt have trouble getting maintenance from him as it was hard enough getting his share of the bills.

I am so broken and I'm not sure if its because he was so absent lately or because he walked away and it didnt cost him a second thought.

I didn't end it to stop him doing anything. I never minded him having a hobby or going out drinking, however I did mind that it has been every weekend for the past few weeks.

Unless he is self employed the CMS will get maintenance money from him as they can do deductions of earnings. Phone them today as they won't backdate it if he messes you around.

The calculator is on line. Just assume he won't have DD more than one night per week and put in writing what the calculator says and that he needs to pay it today and each month/week from now one.

I would also speak to UC and let them know you are a single parent as you may be eligible for help.

Make sure whatever access you agree to suits you too. Its so easy for one party to dictate how it should work. Don't just agree to anything just to ensure he has her. As for maintenance, contact the CMS.
I'm sure its very hurtful that he has walked away without a fight. There is a good chance this is just bravado but if its not, then he wasn't invested in your relationship so this really is for the best.

For the first year after we had our dd, myself and my dh decided to write the whole year off to concentrate on her. I can't imagine how hard it must be on you to feel like you're doing this on your own. It's a hard slog for two people working together, let alone doing it on your own and resenting a partner who's preferring to do his hobby or work.

Yanbu to ask him to leave, I suspect without him around to make you feel frustrated, resentful and down, it will actually be easier

I am hoping it will be easier, I guess its just getting to that point will be the tricky part.

This hit is really hard, op. But youll quickly start to see that actually he was making your life harder, not bringing you joy.

Does he have a job, employer and a salary? If he does, cms to work out what maintenance should be and give him ONE opportunity to pay it before opening a case. Find his most recent wage slips now before he moves them out of the house, and copy them. Take a clear photo. Or keep them...

What works for you with him having the child. Sounds like he isnt interested in 50/50, so how about starting point of every other weekend friday from childcare to sunday 6pm? And every Wednesday pick up from childcare / school until End of thurs pick up from Childcare / school. So he knows every Wednesday night and Thursday are his responsibility.

Think about what works for you, but you must forget she wont always be one and you both need equal down time at weekends and equal opportunities to further careers. Dont give him all weekends because it works now, because she will be at school in a flash.