First of all this is my first ever post - should probably make it clear I am male with a group of female friends (yes before the assumptions I am of the rainbow family ;) but my friend always speaks highly of the advice of mumsnet so I thought I'd join to ask for some advice!
Anyway this is quite long and there is a little bit of backstory
I'm a 28 year old male, and have been friends with 3 girls since primary school 25 years later - some of us are married, long term partners etc but there's been a few additions along the way to our friendship group especially in senior school and university.
Anyway, we were around 12/13 years old when a 'new girl' to the school became involved in our 'circle' let's call her SALLY. Sally became really close with the 3 girls but never really took an interest in me - possible as I was a 'boy' there was never any arguments/fights just a bit of 'sidelining' when it involved SALLY calling the shots for activities etc - I began trying more with her and eventually, a breakthrough happened when we moved onto college - I had my own place so would invite people round for movies, drinks etc and she'd always attend and seemed quite content.
As the only boy in the group of friends (apart from OH's) I accepted sometimes I wasn't invited places (spas, girlie sleepovers etc) but I was always included in things like nights out - holidays - parties - dinners etc
That was until 2015 when Sally and the girls moved in together post-university - I began noticing I was never invited around anymore - was rarely messaged - and found out that there was a group chat which I wasn't part of etc - until I confronted my best friend about it last year over dinner which she informed me that Sally didn't want me in the house as I 'terrorised her at school and I always bullied her' < at this point my best friend assured me that NONE of our friendship group (of 8/9 of us) believed her - but they didn't want to argue with her as it causes too much drama.
Last year they all moved out into their own houses - and there's been parties, baby showers and engagement parties aplenty - however I only ever get told about these last minute because they know I have a work schedule that's hectic and I can't help but feel I'm only ever told last because they might secretly hope I can't make it - part of me feels that this is so they don't feel guilty I've not been invited but they hope I can't make it - to avoid any drama. Id like to just say at this point, I have literally no idea why I've been suddenly been made out to be a bully when I think we only ever fell out once - like you do at 14 years old!
There only ever seems to be an issue with her, when she's not benefiting from it - she was fine to attend dinners parties at my flat, for me to drive them all home after a gig etc but suddenly whenever it's not a plan I've made - I seem to always come last.
I've expressed this to my best friend (and the other 2) and they think I'm being overdramatic - except my partner has also noticed this pattern and even he said it's clear to see. My best friend is getting married next year and she's asked me to help organise her hen do - it's something I've always wanted to do and said I'd give her the best time
Whilst I've never had a problem with Sally personally, she's taken it upon herself to always cause an issue between me and the girls - and with me organising the hen do - I've heard from another friend that she's planning to try and organise her own 'surprise hen do' for my friend - I can't help but feel that she's being extremely petty now and trying to push me out completely - but whenever I talk to my best friend (of 25 years!) about it, I feel like she doesn't want to get involved.
I will be devastated if I don't do this for her - but my anxiety is through the roof - theres no way for me to communicate with Sally as she will ignore me - I don't know how to approach all this without my best friend being caught in the middle? Any advice? Sorry for the huge post!