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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Harassment please help...

30 replies

Estherlawder · 19/07/2020 08:39

Separated from exdh 18 months ago.
He has a history of paranoia and mental health issues that he denies. Although I believe he sees a psychiatrist for what he believes is coping with his M.E.
Since the separation he has seen our 3 dc about 5 times. Not at all since Christmas.
Elder teen girls now want nothing to do with him after being bombarded with vile texts about me and thinly veiled threats about what he might do to any future partner I may have. Calling me names, a prostitute, satan, evil etc. They eventually blocked him after pleading with him to stop.
7 year old ds has no contact at all as no phone and has never ever asked for contact.
His texts to me are in the hundreds. Similar threats, pleading in the early days and then progressing to what he would do to someone I start seeing.
I told him to stop in March or I would tell the police and he did.

Till last night. I received messages informing me that if I were to get with someone he perceives as not suitable there will be consequences. He sent a link to a torture chamber?
I told him to stop, that this was harassment.
His reply was the following

Ahhh playing the harassment card just for a text, okay.
Not sure that washes in court with the length of time since the last texts months back.
See, harassment is constant abuse.
But yeah, I'll respect your wishes
Get my boy ready for him to see me on his birthday.. pretty please

What do I do ?
Do I call the police and ask them to give him a harassment warning ?
He said if I call the police he will tell them how bent they are and a few things about me ?? Theres nothing to tell ?
Do I go to a solicitor and get a non molestation order?
Is this abuse? Is it bad enough?
Do I just ignore him?
And worst of all, he clearly wants to see our son on his birthday next week after nearly 8months. He isnt stable and ds wont want to go. Whst do I do ?
I'm so afraid.

OP posts:
YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 26/07/2020 18:05

Did you go to the police?

1moreRep · 26/07/2020 18:07

plus as a detective who has recently worked investigating domestic violence, the behaviour you have described is serious enough and is worth reporting.

Bemorechicken · 26/07/2020 18:09

Police -every single text and all the past texts and messages too.............of course.

Vodkacranberryplease · 26/07/2020 18:10

Wow. Chilling indeed. A very serious risk. Police, obviously.

But also cctv continuously recording the outside of your home (all of it, front and back) including the street. Perhaps a panic alarm inside too.
Sounds like a serious MH issue and it's most definitely not something to ignore.

However he has shown you there's a degree of calculation and that he has the ability to stop if he thinks he's in trouble. So he needs to always be afraid of that with you.

Cctv is the best evidence you will ever get along with texts and recordings. And the police need rock solid evidence. He's already committed several serious crimes.

RandomMess · 26/07/2020 18:28

Please see it through with reporting to the police and speaking to the National helpline.

He is absolutely not safe around your DC not you.

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