Feelings for your boss...

[CarlyReyes]

I have a close friendship with a guy I work with (we are both married in our 30s and no lines have been crossed) and an opportunity has come up to join his team in a promotion doing a job I would love to do.
The only problem is that I have feelings for him and I’ve been struggling with this for a while.
I would be reporting to my friend and seeing him a lot more (not in an office as we work remotely but obviously working together on projects and meeting up regularly etc).
Currently, we only see each other occasionally but stay in touch as we’re close friends through work.

Whilst I have strong romantic feelings for him, I have no intention to share this or cross any lines.
I’m asking for advice as I don’t know whether working directly for him will make life more difficult for me or potentially help me overcome my feelings through our relationship changing.

Does anyone have any experience of this?

@CarlyReyes I wouldn't. You need to stay away from him as much as possible if you value your marriage.

Has the opportunity for promotion only come up because he fancies you?

@nolovelost

The job has become available because of someone else being promoted and everyone in business would tell you I am a perfect fit for the role so I don’t believe that is a factor.

It’s obviously a massive risk to take the job if you value your marriage. All i’d say is if you really want this man end your marriage first dont have an affair it’s so painful for the other party and takes so long to get over.

I went there this time last year after believing his lies. This year I'm on my own. Don't put temptation your way. Steer well clear.

No experience of this, but sadly experience of affairs.
I doubt anybody here is going to give you the permission you seem to want to be able to go ahead with this. It sounds as if you are asking, hoping people will think its a good idea because actually this is what you want to do and you’re looking for some kind of validation. Sorry, OP, I think you should stay well clear. If this goes any further, if you let these feelings grow, the amount of pain you are going to help this man to cause, and the amount of pain you are going to suffer, will render all of your ‘strong feelings’ utter madness with the benefit of hindsight. The more you see if this man, the more you will obsess. Concentrate on your own relationship and be professional in your workplace and view this man as your boss and just that. The more you are around each other the worse this will get. At present you are so sure you won’t act on these feelings. So what’s the problem then? Why are you asking at all if you are so sure you have all this under control? If this were true you’d take the job and it wouldn’t even occur to you to post on here. How would you advise your husband if the situation was reversed? Would you want him to be more involved at work with a woman he had strong feelings for? I doubt it! Read the book ‘Not just good friends’. You are at risk of an affair. You sound like a nice and loyal person. Please stay that way. Be kind to and be honest with your husband if you want a good marriage. To say it’s not worth it is a huge understatement. Believe me, I know.

I have just posted something in chat about fancying my boss.
Honestly, it’s a hard one as I understand wanting to improve your work chances but working with someone closely day in day out that you can’t have messes with your head!
I am single but my boss has a girlfriend.
Do you get any signs it may be mutual?

If you don't want to get involved with him you need to stay away and not take jobs in his team. If the attraction is that strong to you it probably is to him as well and the best thing you can do to minimise the risk to your marriage is to stay away

No no no.

You've already crossed a line by remaining close friends with someone you have strong romantic feelings for. If you had any respect for your husband you'd be doing your best to distance yourself from this man.

Taking the job is going to be the really weak excuse for more contact and before you know it... oops you couldn't help it, blah blah blah.

I've been there and it got messy. My work suffered and colleagues lost respect for me. The boss and I are no longer in contact and both of our relationships just about made it through. I look back with shame. Tread carefully OP x

Thanks all.

It will be so hard for me not take this opportunity on the basis of their being a possibility of an affair just because I have these feelings.

@summertime7654 yes if I’m honest, we have a very strong chemistry and it’s been noticed by other people.
So I know it’s potentially a disaster waiting to happen.

The reason I came here was to hear other experiences to help me think it through.