If it took you a long long time to meet the right one online...

[blueandgreens]

Please tell me how you kept at it, what kept you going and whether something stood out and were you glad you stuck it out?

I’m about start dating again and have been online dating on and off for 4 years.

I would love to know this too. I really hate OLD but it's the only way I meet men.

Sometimes I'd really like to give it up completely and spend my money on the things I'd like to do, but I wouldn't meet any men then

I know it can be so disheartening. I was OLD on and off for a few years. Sometimes I enjoyed it sometimes I found it tough. In those tough times I deleted my profile and took a break as it can become easy to spend a lot of time there. I always ended up going back as all my friends were married so my social life was quiet and I really wanted to meet someone. The last time I went back was over two years ago and I finally met a great guy who is my partner since. Remember you just have to meet one person who is right for you. If it stops being fun take a break from it.

How did you know that one was right?

We just clicked. It was easy from day one and still is. We both wanted the same things and were at similar stages in our lives.

How quickly did you know?

I was the same. On and off OLD for years. One day I started chatting to my partner and I just knew nearly straight away he was for me. That was over 2 years ago. So glad I didn’t give up in the end. There are good guys out there in amongst all the others haha. X

I went on a lot of really awful dates from tinder, almost gave it up but agreed to go on one more date. We've been together 4 years now and are getting married in 2022! A previous poster said only one date has to be the right one. Keep going, take breaks when you need to and although the phrase "it happens when you least expect it" is annoying and patronising, it's so true!!!

I was the more cautious as I'd many experiences online some good some not so good but with him it felt different. There was no games or second guessing. Knew wit a few dates it was different

It took me 3 years. Mostly one date wonders. There were 3 or 4 who I saw for a few weeks. Married with mortgage and two children now.

My strategy was this:

1. Don't wait to be messaged. Send messages to all of the profiles you would consider. Keep it brief but personalise it to something you liked about their profile.

1. Not all will reply. With those who do, establish a conversation and see if they are interesting.

Eliminate any who are dull.

1. Of those remaining, suggest a simple date within a couple of days of messaging. Some will not be serious enough to want to meet.

Eliminate those who just want a pen pal.

1. Coffee is best as it's time limited and you can always have "somewhere to be" after an hour if it's not going well.

Eliminate if you're not intrigued enough to see them again.

1. Hopefully you will be left with one left standing. If not, rinse and repeat.

The crucial thing is to avoid having just one "iron in the fire" at a time. It's difficult to not set too much emotion on one possibility and harder to pick yourself up if it doesn't work out. If you've got a couple of possibilities you can at least convince yourself that you're not overly bothered.

Which sites are you using?

And how are you filtering the men you chat to/meet?

I hid my POF profile so that only men I chose to speak to could contact me (think I had to wait 24 hours to do that after registering) and then went through choosing men who fitted my criteria, had a quick chat and then ruled them in or out in a matter of days. Anyone who was in, I met up with within a week, no video chats or calls, no prolonged messaging, as I didn’t want to waste my time getting too involved if I might not fancy them in person.

I only actually met 4 guys in all and the night I met my now DP I knew he was special straight away. It was easy and familiar, there was chemistry and laughs, it just felt right.

In fact, our drinks meeting turned to dinner, then abandoning our cars for the night and staying for more drinks, then him coming home in a taxi with me, (somewhat forced as he’d had his wallet stolen in the bar!)

I feel like I must have been really lucky, as the other guys I met up with were also perfectly nice, it just wasn’t the right match. I didn’t have any of those awful dates you hear about, so no fun stories to tell!

To be fair, my DP wasn’t perfect when I met him, we’ve grown together, but there was enough great stuff there for me to think he was worth sticking with.

If you’re looking for perfection from the get go, it might be stopping you from finding someone ‘good enough’ who you can grow together with.

OLD for 2 years... Loads and loads of first dates including some real nightmares. Plenty of second dates and beyond and met some really nice people, but things just didn't progress for different reasons.

Then met the love of my life at work ❤️.

OLD for over 9 years in London. On and off depending on how confident I was feeling/fed up I was with the scene. Lots and lots of fun, such a range of men to meet - some great guys that I dated for months and some horror stories that are fun to tell.

Met my fiancé coming up to 5 years ago when I was 39, we have a 2 year old now. I messaged him first - he wasn’t my usual type but I liked his profile and he seemed interesting (and had massive biceps!). Hit it off straight away, totally different from any other date as the enthusiasm for each other was reciprocated on both sides and the whole relationship got off to an effortless start - no coyness or other such games needed! Totally worth seeing it through and it is extremely unlikely we’d have met any other way. Good luck!!

The no game playing is a common theme coming up and absolutely matches my experience.

When I was first dating DH, I realised that neither of us were concerned about trying to play it cool, spacing out text messages for instance. We were seeing eachother 2-3 times a week from the start, sometimes just to go for a walk . It was exciting but never awkward and we just knew that we were a serious match.

The main thing I realised was different was when I invited him to an event needing an overnight stay after about three weeks of meeting. I'd asked him before I'd even stopped to consider what I was doing and realised that I had no doubts that he would say yes or that he would think I was moving too fast. It was around then that we agreed that we were a couple, and a year later he proposed.

OLD became my hobby 😂literally.
I was on several (6) dating sites.
I met loads of men some lovely, some needy and not over their ex . and some so really bad that my friends begged me to write a book about OLD .
Message them first if you like the look of them.
Speak on the phone as you may not like their voice.
Mix it up and tick outside the box of your usual type. I was attracted to 6ft men and now with my soulmate of 5ft 7.
Meet up within two weeks.
Have several in the pipe line.
I met only for drinks as I was uncomfortable meeting for dinner in case they insisted on paying.
I sometimes had two dates on one day at the weekends.
No sex and I mean no sex chat or dick pics.
Choose on area as well because if they live too far away it just makes life too difficult.
Always tell a friend where you are.
You will know within 5 minutes if they are a fit for you . As they say it only takes one .
Spoke to mine on the Thursday . Met on the Saturday. Went round for lunch on the Sunday .
He said if you want to be with me
we will need to come off dating sites.
I cancelled my Tuesday and Thursdays dates 🙂
We've been together 3 years in August . Right time right place.
Its fun if you are sensible about it .

Agree with allgoodinthehood..

Met mine after I'd given up looking. Weve been amazing for the last 3.5yrs..thought I'd found the one.. But the distance does become an issue.. It never was until we discussed a future and how that would work.. All very sad really.