Leaving DH - how do I raise sons on my own?

[MintChocaMocha]

Will try and be brief and not drip feed.

Back in February when DS2 was 6 weeks old my DH broke down one night and said that he didn't love me in the same way anymore and thought we drifted apart. I was devastated and after talking for 2/3 days I decided that if he felt this way then we should separate and co-parent. He then very quickly changed his tune and decided he did love me after all and after almost losing his family everything was put in perspective for him. I asked him if there was someone else, he said there wasn't and I haven't found any evidence but I know men generally don't want to leave the family home unless there's someone else.

So, I have spent the last six months trying to move on and forget what he said but I can't. I've also looked at our marriage differently the last six months and come to realise that I do everything. While he still somewhat has the life of a single man. All conversations he starts are about him and we have nothing in common anymore expect our DSs. I'm tired of feeling like a run down skivvy and I've had enough.

I want to separate but I'm scared, not of losing my DH, I will be able to remain in the family home. I'm scared of having the responsibility of raising two DSs on my own. I know my DH will be crap at any communication and co-parenting (he already works evening and weekends) so I know for the most part the parenting will be on me. How do I teach them to be strong, independent young men without the lack of a strong male role model?

DS1 who is 6 is going through a stage at the moment where he can backchat and be rude etc and at the moment DH is there to support me with parenting him. How will I do this on my own with a 6 month old who is EBF and a terrible sleeper?

Is there anyone who has been in my situation? What advice would you give?

In my experience any parent who is giving the level of thought about parenting that you are, will do an excellent job.

Mocha, you will be great. And it will be easier for you without your husband there not doing anything. Bring other strong role models into theirs lives. Family, grandfathers, male
Friends.

You are already raising them without a strong role model. You are currently raising them in a way that will result in them growing up to be a lazy sod like your DH. Would you like that?

If you are worrying about being a good mother- that already means you’re a good mother!! 💐 I’ve raised my DS who is now 13 without much help or input from his DD since he was 2. It’s hard at times as you wonder if you’re doing ok but you have to realise you’re only human and although you will make mistakes, as long as your heart is in the right place (and I can see yours is simply by your first post)- you will do better than you think!

I have a ds6 and a ds just turned 1.

I get it, it's hard to juggle both and meet their needs 100% all the time, it's probably not possible.

For me, the baby takes up a lot of my attention when hes awake. When hes asleep I make sure ds gets one on one attention then.

I think it helps that ds is 6.
If he has done something wrong and I cant correct him immediately (because eg he will cause uproar and wake the baby), I can leave it and come back to him later to discuss it. Hes old enough that we can come back to it later to discuss it, if he was younger this would be more difficult.

Also, if the baby is being particularly difficult, I can put a favourite movie on for ds which will keep him occupied for an hour and a half.

I think there are plenty of good Male influences now for kids, grandfathers, uncles, teachers, coaches so wouldn't worry about lack of a Male role model.

I'm a widow and my son was six when his father passed away.
Not having his father around to be his dad has been my greatest sorrow (and for my daughter). But he is now a strapping teen and has found male role models elsewhere: teachers, sports figures, fathers of his mates etc. He does have his issues, but I don't think any more than teens with fathers who are present.
It doesn't sound like his own father is the kind of man you would want your son to emulate anyway.