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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Making Friends

5 replies

Ron1984 · 18/07/2020 00:38

How can you make friends with other couples in your 40’s?
My husband and I have both been married before, together for 4 years. We have a few good friends each but none together. We are always hosting parties and bbqs for family but it’s never reciprocated, we never get asked out. It would be so nice to have friends together - any ideas would be appreciated

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Thingsdogetbetter · 18/07/2020 11:14

Couple friends are difficult. That's a mix of four people and everyone has to like each other equally. You have to like the woman and the man. Your dh has to like the woman and the man. They both have to like both of you. They have to want to socialise together as a couple, and also want couple friends. That's a whole lot of dynamics in play.

Dh and I have never managed it. He's liked the man or the woman, but never both equally. Or I've liked the man or the woman, but never both. Or either. Dh and I have very different interests, so when one half or both of the other couple has the same interests as dh, I'm bored shitless. And visa versa.

Most of my friends who think they have couple friends are in reality a pair of friends who drag their partners along too. Or two pairs of friends who go out as foursome, but don't actually interact as a foursome - they might as well sit at different tables.

We have mutual friends, but never a couple pairing. Those friends might have partners, but it's never evolved into all of us have equal friendships as a foursome.

Sorry, that's not much help. But I think the concept of couple friends is bit unicorn. It's rare and down to luck. If you spend your time searching for it, you miss out on lots of wonderful potential non-couple friendships on the way.

Ron1984 · 19/07/2020 09:08

Thank you for replying. Exactly my experience too!

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reefedsail · 19/07/2020 09:11

We've been together 20 years and have never managed to find any couple friends. It's just too complicated. Really if it's going to work any children have to be compatible too. Way too many factors.

The80sweregreat · 19/07/2020 10:16

I have two female friends I've known for years and I've never met their husbands!
My dh had 'couple friends ' when I first met him and I just didn't get on with them at all it was really awkward and they had all known each other from school / birth etc. They never let anyone in their clique much.

We now only have one couple as friends now and we both have our own individual friends ! It works for us but means we rarely socialize with other couples as a couple. I get that we are a bit strange but most people I know with lots of couple friends all tend to either fall out or have ' splinter groups' as there is always one that doesn't get on with someone else or whatever. It's all too complex for me and I prefer just doing our own thing! It's also hard when you have children and probably can make fall outs even worse especially if the kids don't get on at all and different parenting styles too.
It can be even more complex then.

I think some people love the drama or can't face going out on their own so tend to just hoover up lots of friends ! It can end in tears.
We did go on holiday with a couple my dh knew when we had one small child years ago and it wasn't great. Put me off doing that again and although we made an effort , they just wanted it all their own way for their children. We lost touch not long after that!

Ron1984 · 19/07/2020 16:05

Thanks for all your comments! We are a pretty sociable couple which is why i think about it. Kids are almost off hand and it would be nice to meet other couples and have a laugh. I guess I’m going to invent a couples version tinder!!! Could be a car crash thinking about it!!

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