Would my friends annoy you or do I need to remove a stick from my ass?

[Redraptor]

I'm a pretty organised person, I like to have a plan. I have two young children.

Anyway, two of my best friends drive me mad, I love them to bits but

Friend 1: has no children, she lives a long way away, she comes up monthly to see friends and family. I dont see her everytime but we'd both like to. I'm pissed off because she will never commit to a plan. We message almost daily and in the run up to her coming home we start throwing ideas around but we hardly ever nail anything down. Sometimes she'll say she needs to check with someone else and other times she flat out ignores me. I like to plan my weekends so I'm filling time with the kids. Friend will then message on a day and say "are you home can I come down now?" Sometimes this is ok other times I've made other plans and she isn't happy with me. She often says "I'll just fit in with your plans" and when I say "cool how about saturday 2pm?" She then says "I'm not sure what I'm doing but I'll see where I am". I understand shes got various people to see but I dont see the harm in thinking right I'm seeing redraptor then I'll work my other visits around that.

Friend 2: has kids, lives close but again never commits to anything. With this friend I know she is waiting to see if there is a better offer but again like friend 1 she will message on a Saturday at 10am and say "we are free shall we meet 1pm?", and if I've made other plans with my kids she expects me to move them, if I say no she cant understand why I'm sticking to my plan. Most times I am flexible and change but actually I'm getting fed up of it

Am I a crazy person for wanting more then a days notice? I dont mean weeks in advance but a few days would be great. If iabu how do I stop myself getting wound up when my friends bail on me?

I'm especially concerned this summer as lots of things (National trust etc) need booking in advance and I dont want to end up stuck at home doing nothing

Sorry I've just realised this is super long

Your friends are being rude, they are clearly waiting for a 'better offer' ... just make your own arrangements - if you find yourself free when they are available then fine, see them, but don't put your life on hold just so that they can grace you with their presence.

YANBU, I would feel like I’m the backup option

The ignoring would get to me. I would never ignore a friend that was making plans to see me.

You need new friends

yeah, that would be ok sometimes but if it was every time then it would annoy me. Id try and cultivate other friendships with people who can actually organise things or keep to plans, as even though there is definitely a place for playing things by ear, id hate to always feel like someones back up plan.

Id almost certainly be upfront and say look, I know you like to be relaxed and see how it goes, but I need to structure my free time to fit in with my kids, so can we at least try and make a plan sometimes?

Thank you for the replies.

Friend 2 is definitely waiting for a better offer but she will see me on a weekend if it's been discussed she just wont say when/where until late in case something else comes up

Friend 1 I try to be more flexible with as shes come a long way and has lots of people to see, but I do really want to see her. Last weekend my husband asked if we could do something, working around his self employment and I couldnt plan with him cos I was waiting for friend 1 to reply and I got annoyed and dont think its on of friend 1.

I think I'm just going to try and start being firmer, planning my weekends, giving others a "slot" of when I'm free and if they cant do it saying no worries

Plan stuff with your husband. Tell your friends you are busy. Let them make the effort

I'm exactly the same as you. I like knowing times and plans in advance.

But I have several friends who don't like planning ahead. They're just like that. It annoys me, but we just work differently.

I jut give them a slot, tell them I'm free from x until x, and leave it with them.

Thanks again for the replies. I'm definitely going to start doing my own planning and offering available slots with no compromise. And when I day slots I dont me tiny ones, for example saturday am until 1pm or afternoon 2-5.

I talked to my husband about it last night and he said I'm too nice because I do want to see my friends. I totally accept people are different but it's been good to read that I'm not being a dick

The people who are least accommodating get the most consideration.....obviously.

Your friends know you're very likely to go along with what's on offer, so you're further down the pecking order.

That doesn't mean they like you less, it just means they take your good nature for granted.