Stay Strong Thread

[peachesandoranges]

I need a thread to stop me from running back to my nasty ex over and over. It is even harder because I live basically next door to him and I am still paranoid about going out due to covid so I am so so lonely. And I have nobody to talk to apart from my therapist who I just had an emergency session with.

I already have contacted him once and been round there tonight crying while he just stood there not caring.

Every time we have broken up I have always run back to him apologizing even though it wasn't normally my fault, being upset. My therapist says I need to break this cycle.

He has dumped me again and even though I was already round his today crying (but at least I wasn't begging him or apologizing so that is an improvement this time) I want to go back to being strong, I have to break the cycle as it is clear he doesn't care about me, I want to show him this time well if this is what you really want then this is what you get. No more begging you back, no more seeing me, no more sleeping with me.

So anyway this is the thread I will try to come to when I need to stop myself. Or I know there is the other support thread too so could always use that.

Because I have nothing and nobody else and I am so lonely and he has just tossed me aside because he suddenly got fed up, because I hadn't text him for a couple of days or seen him for a few days, for once, when the week before he was happy.

This is what he gets he is a nasty piece of crap. And I will stay strong.

His proximity is the danger. I doubt you'd turn up crying on his doorstep if he lived the other side of the city. Can you move at all?

I know it is. I really don't want to move. I like it here and it is affordable. I moved here to get a fresh start and didn't really get a chance, he was on me straight away and my boundaries were so weak.

I want to prove to myself and to him that I can still live here and stay away from him, I know that is really hard. I have to. It is quite a communal place and one idea I have had is to actually fight the covid paranoia a bit and ask some of the further away neighbours if they want to hang out outside, just get myself out there to meet more people. Since I got here and got stuck in his web, I really haven't had the chance to get to meet more people. Though I am quite shy it doesn't happen to me naturally I have to put myself out there.

I don't know, just need ideas to keep me busy and ways to make new friends, and this thread if I am desperate or need a moan

I can't even sit outside on my table without him likely to see me because it is so communal here! Don't want to say more as it is very outing. It is ridiculous.

I have to do it! I have to switch on my I don't give a fuck switch, switch off the switches that I thought were me loving and caring about him. If he can do it do easily why can't I, then just carry out my daily life and do what I want and sit outside and not give a shit, just as long as I don't approach him or speak to him

I even want to just get to the boat where I can walk past him and not say hi, I just want to show him, you mean nothing to me now, you treated me like shit, you don't get a hi from me. You can nothing.

I am strong I HAVE to be strong

Get to the point, haha that typo was a bit outing

You live on a houseboat? Not that it makes a difference. Hanging out with others a bit further away is a good idea.

Yes. So it is pretty communal and no private garden, just sit on my roof or my table outside.

Yes I will try to finally get out and meet neighbours on other areas of the place. Now that I am free of him sucking my energy and all my free time and then sulking every time I want a few days too myself.

I could have written this tonight.

Separated from my husband last year but have been in an on/off relationship with someone much younger than me for 6 months. I know it would never have worked but when it was good it was great, and then he goes all cold for a few weeks. I’m determined it’s done this time and I’m trying so hard not to chase him like I usually do.

Have you read “Women Who Love Too Much” OP? I started it last night and it’s really helping, I definitely fall in to this category and it’s so unhealthy.

Yes, think of the freedom you'll have, now you're out of his clutches. A whole new, free life awaits!

Just ignore him, or a curt nod if he passes you and looks. Concentrate on YOU now.

Thank you @ell19 and I am sorry you are going through that. I will check the book out.

Yes @TwentyViginti to be honest I don't even want to nod at him, I just want to get to the point where I am so strong, I don't need him anymore, I can just walk straight by and ignore him and not give a crap.

I did call one of my few friends this evening and that was nice, and I sat outside doing it in full view having a laugh not caring. I need to carry on and live my life and not worry that he lives so close and have fun because the last two years have been so up and down and miserable.

Well done! soon he'll be just another neighbour. You certainly DON'T need another two years of misery with him! you can be lonelier in a bad relationship than you are when 'alone' alone, because you're stuck in the cycle and can't move your life on.