Just wondering out loud if it has a name so I can offer more advice to my sister. She is in a relationship and between them they play this out in their arguments repeatedly. I find it really hard to get my head round, my natural instinct is to take my sister's side so wanted a bit of impartiality, names changed.
So Sally and Jamie live together, with Sally's DC who are a teenager and a younger primary aged child. Jamie is an introvert and quiet, needs his space and Sally knew this when they moved in together. Their house is quite small so they kind of live on top of each other but the DC do see their dad, so Sally and Jamie get to spend time alone. Jamie gets grumpy about noise and the disruptive behaviour of the DC's maybe once every 8 weeks. Never takes it out on or says anything to DC but gets grumpy with Sally, airs his grievance, Sally sticks up for herself by saying 'I can't stop all noise and annoying behaviour as they are children, but I am sorry if you are struggling with it and I will ask the DC to be more considerate about noise. However, please don't take your grumpiness out on me I don't appreciate it' and Jamie usually says 'I don't want to get into this or get into an argument' and shuts it down. Otherwise they seem to get on great, really love each other and the DC like Jamie.
My sister feels that she is being shut down and the expectation on her is that she apologises and shuts up rather than having any dialogue or resolution or acknowledgement of her feelings. I think Jamie is just trying to make his feelings known but in a cackhanded way. Is there a name for this dynamic? Is it normal living together, long term relationship bickering? Is there anything she can do to make it different as I can tell she's getting frustrated by it and last week she told me that she feels like she's waiting for these periodic upsets. TIA.