'Divorced' vs 'Single' Status

[LilMissRe]

Hi everyone.

I got divorced 4 years ago and recently was having a conversation with a friend and she was saying how I can't refer to myself 'single' now as it is deceiving to men. I thought she was ridiculous but she did insist that single is only for non married people and that my status on any form, formal or a simple OLD profile should always 'divorced'.

I just wanted check I'm not alone in thinking that a divorce does not define a person. I mean, I went through a divorce- it is a process, and I have obtained one, but four years on? I'm not tethered to my exH and so now consider myself single/dating. I also now use 'Miss' as I never took my husband's name when married, to justify keeping 'Mrs' and dislike 'Ms'.

I can't quite get my head around her logic.

Of course u can refer to yourself as single. I did the same as you after I divorced.
Its not deceiving men what an odd thing to say.

She sounds like one of those "friends' who tries to undermine you all the time to make herself feel better. She'd probably want you to attach a big letter "D" to your chest as well, just so everyone can see your shame.
How very ridiculous and sexist of her.
You ARE single. Live it, own it, enjoy it!

Load of bollocks, ive been divorced 13 yrs and have for many years said i was single.

I still have my married name though, couldnt be bothered to change it.

Well if you’re not in a relationship then you’re single, surely? Regardless of your previous status. She’s being ridiculous.

I also kept my married name because it’s also DS’s name

Thought so! Thanks everyone!

She had me scratching my head!

I think it’s all ridiculous personally but I’ve seen MN threads and posts by women upset they didn’t know when they met and started dating that their new boyfriend had previously been married, because they want to be his “first” and have all those “first moments” together and don’t want him to have experienced those with somebody else before them. So it’s definitely something some people put stock in. Maybe your friend feels the same way.

Just say you’re single and don’t pretend you’re not divorced / be open about it early on. That should do it.

Divorced is an end, not a status. It's not like there is any legal status or advantage to divorce, unlike marriage.
Single means available.

Your friends a bit of an idiot. Obviously she feels that divorced people should be branded or something so that they don't taint the normal people. Lol.

I actually think putting divorced as a status is a mistake. It's telling everyone too much about your history. It's saying you have been married and therefore believe in it, and have been through a split and obvious divorce, it could make you seem more vulnerable to some people. I would never use it as a status on anything that I didn't legally have to ( I'm not divorced btw).

You are single, define yourself as single.

Describing yourself as 'divorced' still relates your status to your marriage. Its absolutely not relevant to dating (or very much else tbh).

Ms isn't only for divorced people. I've been Ms since I was 18 (I put it on my UCAS application) I'm not divorced and am planning a civil partnership rather than a marriage so will be Ms forevermore.

Ms is modern, feminist, and puts an end to any irrelevant speculation about our marital status. Mrs/Miss sounds so old fashioned to me when men are always Mr.

Sorry - have just seen that you don't like Ms. That's fair enough :) I always feel about 12 if someone incorrectly calls me Miss, but I have other friends who love being a Miss.

Either way, I don't see how it makes any difference whether you say you're single or divorced. Unless your friend is very religious, I don't really understand the objection!

I used Ms before I was married but had children. Miss/Mrs felt like a moral judgement. I must admit I liked being Mrs but now I’m almost divorced I’m debating Miss/Ms. I try to avoid titles altogether and go for First Name/Last Name where possible.
I’d only describe myself as divorced if it was relevant. Eg if I met someone who I wanted to date and they asked if I was married.
My employers and clients don’t need to know my marital status. The only context would be for an emergency contact, but they can just ask for that and I’ll volunteer the right person.

I am divorced but refer to myself as single and have done for years... I have absolutely no intention of ever having another relationship so I am comfortable with referring to myself as single.

I also changed my name by deed poll during the divorce including 'Ms' as my title as I did not want to be referred to as 'Mrs' which I do not feel is appropriate for me personally.

Has your friend time travelled from 1920? It would be relevant to call someone a divorcee when people married much earlier in life and single women were virgins. Nowadays we have all sorts of scandalous relationships, living together without marriage even ;)

This is interesting. I divorced back in the Dark Ages, but have always stayed Mrs Exhusbandsname. Never thought to change it. Nicer name than my 'maiden' name!

I suppose being titled Mrs after decades of being single is a bit daft

I wonder about the "divorced" status too, because you get that option on lots of forms ( insurance forms for example) and I always dither and don't know what to put, because I don't know which will make my car insurance more expensive! (Married makes it cheaper I believe).

@AnaViaSalamanca

Has your friend time travelled from 1920? It would be relevant to call someone a divorcee when people married much earlier in life and single women were virgins. Nowadays we have all sorts of scandalous relationships, living together without marriage even ;)

Filth!

I've always thought 'divorcee' sounded racy and deliciously dangerous, whereas 'spinster' (fading out now, thankfully) sounded dreary.

'Bachelor' sounds much more fun!

'Confirmed bachelor' was a delicate way of saying 'gay' when it was unlawful to be homosexual, or at least to partake in 'homosexual acts'.

The law changed in my lifetime - God I'm old

Technically your friend is correct- for legal documentation, your marital status has to be divorced and not single.
But in day to day life, I would use single.