Pros and cons to staying in marriage - please tell me your stories!

[Student2021]

Some of you may have seen my previous post, basically I’m thinking about leaving my husband for several reasons. We have been together for 11 years, married for 6, DD age 6. He earns significantly more than me, but only until January so I’m not worried about finances.

Please tell me your stories on leaving a marriage - the good, the bad and the ugly.

My concerns include my mental health (recently lost my father so it’s touch and go), how DD will adapt, custody, how it will affect DH and our families - and I’ll be giving up all the plans we have for the future and the chance of having more children.

Thank you all

I'm in the middle of divorce, it's hard! That's my opening gambit. My circumstances are different because my kids are adults (just) and the marriage was a lot longer, plus he pulled the plus but ...

Think about what you want for yourself in five years time. Unless there's abuse we can often muddle on for years, I did. If you hold back now, is it delaying the inevitable on the other hand if things aren't too bad, would waited a couple of years make the process easier? Ask yourself what you will miss, but also what's missing? Only you know these things but my top tip is communication and putting dc's needs central, amicable divorce can be fine for kids and makes life a lot easier after, you need to coparent

Every situation is so different it would be impossible to summarise. However I will share my story...
I never ever wanted to end my marriage. My parents divorced when I was 10 and it was horrific, involving her kidnapping us, lying to the courts about my dad and being emotionally abusive to us in our teens. So I made a promise to myself that I would not have my kids have parents that were separated.
However, when I discovered my husband of 10 years (together for 16) had had a third affair I felt I had no choice. I honestly did contemplate staying for kids... But I just couldn't.
5/6 months after we separated I can say the kids are great. That was my biggest fear and my god are they adaptable! We (by that I mean I!) Have done everything to protect them, often to my detriment but I think this has helped.
The person suffering the most from this is me tbh. Don't under estimate the grief you will suffer at losing the person you loved, at losing the life you planned out and the fear of the unknown.
But I am so much stronger, more independent and I am becoming the person I want to be, not a version of myself that was around my ex. So those are the positives.
But my god is in painful so make sure you are 100% sure it's what you want

Hey I think you said in your other thread you're 32? You'll meet someone else and have more children, I expect. xxx

Don't make any decisions while you're still greiving. Give yourself time to heal from that first.