How to keep putting yourself out there post heartache

[sunshinexdreams]

Hi all,

This is my first thread as I could do with some rational advice. I’m 27 (well, 28 next week) with 2 LTR under my belt. Dating stresses me out so much, the vulnerability of putting yourself out there etc... so I didn’t really start dabbling with dating until mid-20’s. I met both my ex’s on tinder. The first dumped me by text after 8 months which was fun- said he missed being single. I was devastated, literally no self esteem, gave myself a couple of months, tried to dust myself off and reluctantly went back on tinder after many weeks of hounding by my friends and met my recent ex, we were so in love, I thought it was the perfect relationship (He is genuinely a fantastic, amazing guy) but upon discussion he never wants children and I do, so we made a semi-mutual decision to end things this week despite there being a lot of love within the relationship.

So now I’m back to square one and utterly heartbroken (more so than after getting dumped by text- didn’t know that was possible but I digress). I know I’m not getting any younger for wanting to have kids but I just don’t know how I can ever open myself up to more heartache. Most of my close friends are married/engaged etc... and seem to find dating and relationships so easy and my other friends that are single seem to move on and start dating someone new within a few weeks post breakup. I know the pain of a breakup will inevitably ease as time goes on but I just don’t want/ know how to put myself through this again. I don’t know if I just get too emotionally attached or invested etc.. because my ex seems fine and we’re currently trying to navigate remaining friends and staying in touch

I guess I just don’t know how to balance my desire for a family and a partner etc... with the crushing anxiety at the thought of being this heartbroken again gives me. I know the majority of people have to encounter break ups before meeting the “one” so to speak but I just can’t help but think that what if it’s not meant to be and I just end up in this exact same scenario time and again.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

Hi, I get it. I ended my relationship a couple of days ago due to us both wanting different things (except he'd disagree but won't move forward so it's the same thing?!)
I can't imagine finding anyone else.. Too many things I know I won't find that I loved, I have a minor panic attack when I think about it all.
I can't bear that starting again and truly thought I'd found the right one.
I'd say wait until you do feel ready, it's very hard otherwise. Hugs

What’s the rush? If you’re feeling bruised, take some time for yourself until you feel less bruised.

I'm 35 and have quit permanently. Fuck the lot of them x

People take different times to heal after heartbreak, take as long as you need.
I also think trying to stay friends doesn't help unless you have to be because of work or kids. It's keeps you emotionally bonded.

The only thing you can do is when you're ready to start dating again is be up front with what your looking for, tell them you're looking for someone to potentially settle down with and have kids in the future.
Stay away from anyone who still seems immature or don't know what they want.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit I recognise that feeling

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit and Mintjulia
I hear ya sisters.