My husband is usually lovely. I have had physical and mental health issues in recent years and he has been very patient and caring. I'm not saying this to excuse what I'm about to explain, but for context.
Recently, around once a week or so he has come out with something pointedly nasty. Things that he knows I feel vulnerable or upset about. Either out of the blue or in the middle of the very mildest disagreement.
I called him a jokey name (some may find offensive, he has not previously) that I'd called him before with no reaction, in relation to him having a grumble. He said that 'You obviously need some help being re-introduced to society, you've spent too much time on your own and don't know how to interact with people any more'.
I had a breakdown last year and I've been working at home recently so I don't see many people. He's also made several comments about me talking 'at' him. I've tried to give him a bit of space when he comes home from work but even two hours after he's got home he often doesn't seem to want to talk.
Last night we were on the sofa chatting together. A few minutes previously we'd been talking about what he was going to do for dinner but the conversation had moved on. He got up mid way through the chat and I assumed he was coming back, but it turned out that he'd started dinner for himself and loading the dishwasher. I didn't know what was going on, and when I realised that he wasn't going to be coming back for at least forty minutes, I said 'Oh, so you aren't coming back then?' (a bit sarcastically, because I could have been getting on with something else) and he replied with 'Sorry for not asking you for permission!'
We hadn't been having a disagreement previously. His mother has previously made comments about me being controlling so he knows that I'm sensitive about this sort of a comment. Like lots of men, he's not bothered about plenty of things, so I usually have to decide things like what we're doing or eating in any particular day, or we'd literally starve and do nothing. He would happily sit playing computer games all day. I do ask him what he wants but he doesn't engage at all. So being told I'm controlling is a bit of a bugbear!
It's mostly minor but it is hurtful. The worst thing is that when I try and talk about it with him he denies that it has come from anywhere. Every time! If there was something I needed to work on, I could try, but I don't know what is making him be nasty. I only realised he needed a bit of space after work from my own deduction.
Has anyone been in a similar situation with a positive outcome or does anyone have any constructive advice to give? We're both human here and I just want to try and find a way through this.