Want to leave jealous husband

[Maxi54]

Over 20 years ago I met a guy behind my husband’s back. There was no sexual affair but I told my husband about this. He has never forgiven me and brings it up in arguments, but I suppose I can’t blame him. Anyway I go to a large gym several times a week and worked out with male pt and pt male friend a couple of days ago. I told my H 2 days later and he hit the roof accusing me of cheating wanting attention wanting compliments etc etc. H is so jealous of me and then starts crying saying he’s insecure. He’s threatened to go to gym and tell pt to keep away from me. I have no interest in an affair which I told my H. I just have had enough.H is hardworking and puts his family first but I just have had enough. Am I selfish for wanting to leave him? He calls me selfish every

Nope, not selfish, sensible.

Do you work? Have kids? Savings? Own property?

See a solicitor ASAP and ditch the dead weight.

House is up for sale, kids grown up and left. Just the two of us. I work part time he is main earner

Are you saying that you are working out at the gym with a man you met 20 years ago, who caused problems in your marriage?

No, this a personal trainer who works at the gym. And is considerably younger than I am. It’s my husband being jealous and I guess not trusting me.

OK that was confusing because you described one as a male PT and the other as a male PT 'friend'. Why is one a 'friend' but not the other?

What is it that you told your DH a 'few days later'? That you were at a gym or that you were with a 'male PT friend'?

@ZombieFan not sure any of that is relevant, i don't think there's anything OP could have said about her trip to the gym that would justify her husband "hitting the roof".

Do you want this for the next 20-30 years of your life?
You've done your time.
Now it's time for you.
You are selling the house and now is your chance.
Get out there and enjoy the rest of your life.
Don't live this half life.
You get one shot. Make the most of it!

Zombie fan. It’s a personal trainer at gym and the personal trainers friend. They are just people I talk to at the gym. DH said I had been deceitful. I just wanted peoples thoughts. Was I deceitful or where his actions justified. But because in the past I gave him reason to distrust me, I’m thinking his actions are justified?

When you said you ‘met a guy behind your husband’s back’ 20 years ago, what do you mean? Was it an emotional affair or just a friend you couldn’t tell him about?

Yes it was an emotional affair, which I have regretted my whole life, but we worked through this. He was gutted, of course. He won't let me forget this.