Why does a woman take her kids and leave?

[Itsallpointless]

Just that really. I'm thinking back over a past relationship. His wife had left with their DC, renting a property while he stayed in the marital home.

There's no way I'd have left the marital home, I'm thinking it must've been very bad for her to do that? There were lots of questions never answered, he was very secretive and, in the end, very deceitful.

Me and my ex H were on similar money. He loved the house but I'd had enough. He bought me out and I put a deposit on a new place. I did stay until my new house was ready though. Me and my DD moved into my new place and he kept the old house and my DD had some stability of one house staying the same. I was happy with that.

The only issue I would say is that my DD who was only 4 at the time used to cry and asked why I'd moved her out of daddies house and why couldn't we all go back as she liked her bedroom there. He has always done 50/50 split with me too.
Three years on it's all fine. But those comments cut a little when she said them.

I'll never know why she left, he never 'spilled the beans' rather, skirting around the questions, and making my inquisitiveness sound intrusive and uncalled for. Just like most of the gut instinct questions I asked, he was cagey and dismissive throughout the relationship.

I am constantly questioning this relationship because He ticked many boxes, quite a catch on the surface, but I was very unhappy, and so I wonder whether it was me, that I'm intolerant. Deep down I don't think so, but because he has a new relationship (appears quite committed) I am full of self doubt.

I left the family home because I couldn’t afford to run it and ExDh didn’t want to sell and give me any of the proceeds. Moved his mistress in the day we moved out

Because my abusive father wouldnt leave so my mother had no choice, taking 5 kids with her in the clothes we stood up in. What a stupid post! You think people do these things lightly?

I left the family home because it was a money pit and far too much work for me to deal with alone and work full-time. Plus I didn’t think the split would ever really sink in if I was still there and I didn’t really trust exH to accept that he didn’t live there and had no say in the house. He would have been forever making “helpful” suggestions about what needed to be doing, and making sly digs about “his” house and the money I’d wasted/taken from him etc. Much nicer to move into my own little rented house without all the baggage and memories and set up on my own. DC did, and do, miss their old house (so do I! It was a really nice house), but moving is part of life and we live in a lovely place now.

I had an affair and moved out of the marital home, we share the children equally though. Even if the end of my marriage hadn't been for the affair, I would have always moved out anyway, perhaps because I wanted a fresh start?

because he has a new relationship (appears quite committed) I am full of self doubt.

I wouldn't be. Trust your instincts. There's a reason some people have multiple relationship failures. Also, women are far better at ignoring red flags (even when they are slapping you across the face saying 'I'm a red flag) than at acknowledging them and moving on.

The pre-marriage/kids phase is also the honeymoon period - many men hide their true colours until you're married, pregnant and stuck.

I left my marital home because I couldn't afford to run it, independently, and because it was very close proximity to his family and his work.
No abuse.

@dementedma stupid post? I was asking a perfectly reasonable question, which very few (if any apart from you) have responded to negatively, they've just answered the question.

I think you're right to question that relationship. IME a woman would only leave the home with her children if the husband is refusing to do so or to escape abuse. You'd have to be pretty desperate to do this in either case.

My exH initially refused to leave, and I really thought it would have to be me going. Even though I didn't want to, and it would have made all of our lives massively hard, and been more disruptive for the children, I would have done if I'd had to.

I know there will be exceptions to do this, but I think they're rare.

there are as many bad women around as bad men

Homicide stats say otherwise

Because he wouldnt. He was verbally and emotionally abusive and at the very end just before my escape he was phycsially abusive and threatened more.

I didnt want to live in that house anymore anyway, as it was tainted with horrible memories. But putting that to one side - he would never have left.

I did that because I had spent 16 years being controlled and abused financially and coercively. I was married but so lonely and was just a zombie getting through each day. He had numerous affairs and had made it that I couldn’t survive without him. However one day I had enough and left taking the DCs with me. It was tough and I lost everything but I’m now in a much better place.

My friend’s wife secretly left in Feb. He’d returned home from work to find EVERYTHING & EVERYONE gone ! When I say everything, I mean everything! Curtains, lightbulbs, cutlery, pots, plates, cooking salt.. everything! She left pictures of their family that had him in it. Every other, she took.

I had very serious probs with that approach.. they’d been having probs, yes but why leave the house as though you were afraid for your life ? She allows him see the kids though, which considering the sort of person she is, is quite a surprise.

You could meet her today & know all about the guy’s indiscretions within an hour of meeting her. The random jibes church members would throw at him cos she’s sent screenshots to them, etc.

So yeah, she left. Funded by a council.

I left the family home because my husband threatened to kill me and pushed me out with dd. Thankfully I got out and it’s going through the courts from afar!

@frazzledasarock no, I'm not. I work in professional services. The Johnny Depp case is very similar to what I see.

I don't think you'd be surprised to hear that I have a poor view of Amber Heard's conduct in it, especially given Mr Depp's previous partners comments.

• Emotional abuse
• Financial abuse
• Being told 'there's no fucking way you'll ever get me out of this house' (no, but a judge did)

Being so ground down after years and years of this that eventually just upping and leaving was the only way to escape. I had no money, no job, no bed and yet things were so bad this was the only option.

My ex hasn't seen the kids for nearly a year, apparently the divorce, 3 Court visits and years of ongoing mental abuse towards me via the kids is all my fault...

Sorry to hijack the threat a bit but @Muppetry76 did you get to go home in the end? I’m going to court in September to get something done about the family home.
I also left because there was no other choice and my husband also told me he will never leave and he will make me suffer if I ever go after the house. Mine has also not seen child since xmas.

@Fightingback16

No. The house was eventually sold as we had built up quite a bit of equity and he wouldn't have been able to buy me out. It did need a judge to order a sale and the eventual buyer had to be persuaded to bump up their offer to get to the minimum the judge ordered. It took almost 4 years to sell but once that offer was in it completed in 8 weeks.

Feel free to pm me