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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OH doesn't love me but financially stuck together

35 replies

Murse · 14/07/2020 22:27

Hi,

My OH and I have been together over 10 years and have three young children 7,6,4. Our youngest was unexpected and tbh, great as he is, it was financially devastating. The cost of childcare meant my OH had to give up work and we went from having two reasonable jobs with manageable debt to scraping by on one wage with unmanageable debts (we have now got our finances on track - ie we can pay our bills but not much else). My OH now works evenings PT to bring in a little extra money (which we rely on). We don't have family who can, or do, help with childcare even for occasional babysitting

The result has been a slow grind down for the both of us. My own mood has been flat - I literally go to work and do nothing else. I haven't been out at all for 4 years and have said each year that I'll do something for my birthday but haven't managed it yet - the same will happen again this year. Not that birthdays matter all that much but it's just the slow grind of never having a night out. We haven't been out together for over 4 years. She occasionally - every couple of months - goes out with her friends and I don't begrudge her that. I, by this stage. haven't got any friends left because it's been that long since I've been out.

So that's the background. We basically exist and have little time or money to do anything together. I'm less concerned about what I don't get to do than the impact on our relationship. Over the course of the years my OH has become largely disinterested in. There is zero affection - I was tbf always the more affectionate one but she did bring some and was at receptive. But over the last few years she tended to respond more with irritation to attempts to be affectionate to the point where I don't do it now at all because it isn't well received.
If I do remind her about a kiss goodbye for example she will do it but will roll her eyes at me. Most of the time she seems disinterested in me (tbf I can't argue, my life is pretty boring) or just irritated. However, this doesn't extend to other people where she can be engaging and responsive. Which pretty clearly says it's a problem with me.

Our sex life has also suffered. It's not the sex itself that concerns me, more than the lack of intimacy. She will respond if I initiate (she hasn't initiated it again for years) but it is very much going through the motions and sex seems like something I do to her rather than with her. She joked a while back about my routine in sex - which tbf again it is but mostly because I'm the only one active. Again, it's not really the sex but what it says about her interest - ie. that there isn't any. I used to have a high sex drive but I don't tend to bother very often because who really wants to have sex with someone who seems like they aren't into it. I think when I do initiate it, I'm hoping for a connection and just end up feeling rejected by the lack of her involvement.

I have tried to discuss all of this with her many times over the years but she is not a talker when it comes to anything uncomfortable and she tends to close discussion down quickly. I'm very sure I'm a definite part of the dynamic in why things have gone wrong (it's a relationship after all) but I am at least open to talking about and she isn't. It's hard then to know what to change.
I have tried letting her know about my emotional needs (for affection and some intimacy)but it does not result in any changes.
I have asked her if she still loves me which she will either say yes without being willing to discuss further or will simply say "I'm still here aren't I?" which isn't that convincing tbh.

I am planning on having the discussion with her on her night off this week (I know it hardly seems fair but...) there is the added issue that even if we agree that ultimately it's over, we are only just managing financially there is no way we can afford to split. I have nowhere else to go and nor does she. We will end up having to go on living together regardless for the foreseeable and I've no idea if it's better to do that split or just muddling on as we are.

I don't really know what I'm asking for here really, it is what it is, but I just wanted to get someone else's perspectives before I make any decisions.

(apologies for the essay)

Thanks

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/07/2020 07:45

Is there an end in sight with re: to the debt/ your OH having to stay at home?

BerylReader · 15/07/2020 08:22

It’s difficult if they won’t talk to you. Maybe a serious chat is needed. I agree with other posters in that perhaps you could organise a night out? I did all the organising for ‘our’ social life, in the end if that’s not returned then why bother. And ask her what she would like to do/be done/enjoy during sex

aufaitaccompli · 15/07/2020 08:35

OP I was in your shoes. I had the emotional and practical grunt work of 3 kids, PT work (anywhere between 24-30hpw) We even had the same money worries and the strain was horrific.

I wanted to maintain a connection between us. He was disinterested and pretty foolish about it.

In hindsight I let the situation go on too long and I had a breakdown. Our marriage died a long slow death, which you can avoid. I wasn't consistent with my boundaries.

Sounds cold l, but a fundamental discussion needs to be had about what makes you both happy, what that looks like and how the other party can contribute to this, as well as undertaking responsibility for your own life.

Shoeshiner68 · 15/07/2020 08:59

Sounds grim this.

She joked about your sex routine? Seriously?

You know deep down what needs to be done. This marriage is dead to her and it’s only you making any effort. She is there out of habit now and probably for the security.

Your financial situation does sound like a mess though so I can see how you may find untangling it all a bit hard.

Personally I’d give it one last go in the chat/counselling front and it no joy (which I don’t think there will be) then I would be having the discussion about splitting, even if that means living in the same house for a while.

Murse · 15/07/2020 09:05

Hi all, thanks for all the replies, there's too many to reply to individually so I'll try to do it all here.

We are married.

Re childcare. I absolutely do have a connection with my children - I didn't put this in the original post as I was mindful it was becoming an essay but I can see why people want to know. I'm affectionate with my kids, I play with them, and they're as likely to come to me if they're upset as they are to her.

Our weekends prior to lockdown were usually spent going out as family - before the money situation got bad, we would eat out, but then it has become parks and walks. All of which is fine by me. I enjoy spending time with family. There isn't a problem with that.

I definitely do not lie in at weekends. I'm first up every day of the week and I sort at least half the teas out, get the baths done and put them to bed every night of the week. When they are at school, I help get them ready in the mornings before she walks them to school and I go to work. She has returned to work now following lockdown so this is a necessity but it's always been the case that I have done this and shared responsibility.

During the day I am at work so yes she is doing the childcare (especially at the moment re lockdown) and that is draining for her. Worse still that she then has to go out to work in the evenings - she enjoys her job as she gets to talk to adults, but no doubt about it, it's knackering.

She was keen to give up her last job - she hated it and it stressed her, but she does like to work. She now does work but obviously it's on top of a full day with the kids and that's majorly tiring for her.

Re housework - tbf she does more as she is home during the day. I don't have expectations around this, if she didn't do I don't have a problem with it. I don't see it as her responsibility. As I say, in the evenings I do half the teas and then do the clearing up and sorting the kids. LIke most parents I actually sit down around 9pm
At the weekends I do some of the housework first thing and then in normal times we try to get out of the house.

All that said I'm sure that looking after kids during the day, doing chores and then going to work in the evenings is grinding her down. I'm sure it impacts her mood. This isn't about blame - i'm a 100% certain our circumstances are contributing massively to our situation.

Re affection. no it wasn't always code for sex. This was hugs in the kitchen, kissing hello and goodbye etc. They didn't, or even usually, lead to sex. We used to do it. Now we don't.

Overlooker - I don't know what you read in my post that made you so angry but I can't help feel you're reading your own experiences in to ours. Nonetheless I'll answer the point re time away and baby sitters - No I haven't paid for babysitters as there isn't any money. I'll remind you in my OP she is the only one of us who has been out with friends at all and she has a long weekend once a year away with her friends - all of which is totally inadequate and she needs more but it's not because I'm off doing other things, I'm not. We just can't afford it.

As to giving her every other weekend off - we share childcare and family time at the weekend. I'm not sure of the value of disconnecting even further from each other - as I say if she wants to go out with her friends or arrange to go away for the weekend (if she has the money) then I have no issues with this - I actively encourage it.

Re emotional support - this made me smile. The irony is I have always been the one who provides the emotional support. Who has put the arm around her when there have been stresses and talked things through with her. It has never worked the other way around. I always knew that and that was OK because I get she finds it difficult but it was at least balanced with normal day to day shows of affection. That's changed for all the understandable reasons I can think of, but it has changed. It's not about blaming her - the situation is as sh*t for her as it is for me.

As to what she thinks is wrong - as I say I have tried to discuss this and ask what she wants but she just closes the conversation down so it's difficult to know. It's obviously difficult for me to be the support she needs in this situation when I'm clearly part of the issue. Which is why counselling would be helpful but she has declined it when I've bought it up in the past.

Re sex itself - I don't think she's telling me there is something we're doing she doesn't enjoy (as in a particular act she doesn't like) as she used to enjoy and it more actively but it seems more than a general disinterest. I do get tiredness impacting sex drive but there's a difference between rarely interested and never interested. I have broached this subject and the answer is that she just doesn't feel like like it but will respond if I start it. Fair enough, she doesn't have to do anything and doesn't have to desire me but it tells me there's clearly a problem as it wasn't always this way. It's not even the sex, but combined with the lack of affection and intimacy generally that's why I miss it.

Re am I boring - well I don't do more than work and family so probably yes. Not sure what I can do there really but I accept that's very likely part of the issue.

I think I've answered most of the points. But to clarify, I am not blaming my wife for this problem. She works very hard, has little reward and it's a slog for her as it is for me. I do think it's natural (it's not like this story is unique) that given all that it's impacting the relationship.

My thoughts are simply that we are where we are. I can't change much of our circumstances so we have to change how we relate to each other if we do want to go forward. I'm not actually asking for all that much, just reconnecting with each other. That may or may be possible. Either way things can't go on as they are

OP posts:
Shoeshiner68 · 15/07/2020 09:16

You don’t have to justify yourself. It’s clear where the problem lies and it’s not in how many times you do the washing up.

Closetbeanmuncher · 15/07/2020 09:20

I hope you are now using reliable contraception?

My first thought was councelling but if she's refusing that then I think continuing this is pointless.

This living a lie seems like death by a million papercuts to me, you can't go through the motions forever.

we will just be honest about it

I think that's what's needed here. What's the house situation rented/owned, and have you ever looked into an IVA for debt?

Murse · 15/07/2020 09:40

@Closetbeanmuncher

I hope you are now using reliable contraception?

My first thought was councelling but if she's refusing that then I think continuing this is pointless.

This living a lie seems like death by a million papercuts to me, you can't go through the motions forever.

we will just be honest about it

I think that's what's needed here. What's the house situation rented/owned, and have you ever looked into an IVA for debt?

Yes we are. There will be no more children aside from the emotional impact it simply would not be possible to manage another child.

We are on an IVA and we own the house - we're locked in to this for the next 5 years so the money situation can't change (if we earn more they take more). It is what it is.

We will have the chat and see what can be done. I tend to go in waves of being certain and then not. i image that's pretty normal.

OP posts:
Sailingblue · 27/07/2020 21:45

In your position I think September could be a big milestone if all three are in school. Even the happiest marriages have been under strain during lockdown and I’d have thought your wife must be shattered with looking after the children and an evening job. I’d really struggle to do that personally. Yes things have been going a long time but September could bring about some big changes to both of your lives and I’d be worried about jumping the gun.

UgaBaluga82 · 28/07/2020 08:02

Have you had a vasectomy OP?

You mention DC3 being the catalyst for your good way of life collapsing, but if you didn't want a 3rd child what did you do to prevent it?

Does your DW possibly not want sex because (as well as being knackered) she doesn't want a 4th DC & knows that previous contraceptive has failed?

I would suggest that's not the only issue in your marriage, but it could well be one.

Subconsciously, she could be blaming you for having to give up her career & become a SAHM as well as work in the evenings & give up her social life, because you refused to get the snip.

I know someone who is very angry at her "D"H about this. They'd decided after DC2 they didn't want any more children, but he refused to wear condoms & her health issues led to a pill failure. The resulting pregnancy was discovered quite late & my friend couldn't face termination, so had a 3rd & ended up much where your wife is; wrung out & bitter that the life she was enjoying was taken away from her.

He still hasn't had a vasectomy & they're heading towards divorce.

I'm possibly projecting, but I read your OP and it reminded me very much of their situation.

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