I don't think anyone likes me

[imnotlikeable]

NC for this just in case. Feeling vulnerable enough as it is.

I've come to the realisation today that I don't think people like me. It's quite lonely and depressing really.

My work is very gossipy and to be honest any friendships I have there a probably fake.

My in laws don't like me for probably various reasons over the years.

My cousin probably judges my house that I can never get on top of and is a bit of a mess.

Husband and I have one set of friends who we were relatively close to, but things seem to have changed and we don't see them much anymore.

My husband I don't think really likes me much either, we don't really do much together.

My sister is fine at the moment but once her life gets back to normal I expect I will just be an annoying pain in her life and pushed aside.

The only people who actually like me are my 2 young children.

I'm not a very likeable person to be fair. I catch myself sometimes being negative about things. I'm definitely a pessimist in general. I'm not very sociable, but I also am which confuses my brain greatly.

To be honest, I don't really know what I want from this post. Just a bit of a misery rant really.
Maybe ways to try and actually be a better/nicer person?

What were you told about yourself growing up?

What were your parents like?

How is your husband with you? Is he a friend to you? Or does he hold you in contempt? It can be very damaging to the self esteem of a young mother to live with a man who doesn't behave towards her as a husband should behave towards his wife.

We could be friends, I posted something similar yesterday, I think I am likeable person, I too can be negative but I am working on that. My only friend is my husband and my 2 children.

I have "friends" but I mostly have to do the "friending" I sometimes go days or months without contacting anyone to see if they will reach out to me, but nothing.

To be honest I think I have a lot of hang ups from when I was younger. My parents were never really emotionally available, was never encouraged to do anything. God forbid we ever spoke about how we felt (we didn't).

Don't actually have many memories of my dad apart from when we were playing my mum up and he would come thundering down and thump us one.

We were also very critical of other people as a family, but in a jokey sort of way. I thought it was normal until I spoke like it to others and it wasn't taken well. I can't seem to break that habit however much I actively try.

Husband-wise, we are friends I would say, its not contempt or anything. In fact I'm definitely the more miserable one. Not really sure why he stays to be honest. Probably the kids.

Thanks for replying

Meme2019

Perhaps it's more common than I thought? Everyone seems to have such busy lovely lives filled with people who like them.

I'm sorry you feel the same. It's not nice is it.

I really struggle to make friends and maintain friendships. As a teen I really really struggled because my family didn't really have conversations. I didn't know how to make small talk and was extremely shy and awkward. I'm afraid of rejection.

I feel the same sometimes and particularly felt that way in January time. It’s a lonely and sad feeling so sorry to hear you feel that way now!

I can almost guarantee though that the things you think about yourself are NOT true. You’re guessing why relationships have drifted and instead of thinking it might be an issue with the other person you are blaming yourself. There could be a millions reasons relationships drift but probably because you have low self esteem you see it as your fault and probably think a lot of negative things about yourself. Much like me.

Things I found that helped me were...
*coning off social media for a while- so I didn’t compare my relationships to others or wonder why someone was not commenting on my posts etc.

*making a concerted effort to arrange things with a couple of people that I really wanted to keep friendships with.

*making those social events something specific such as a games night etc so the social aspect of it was easier.

*letting the relationships that really were t helpful anyway go and accepting they weren’t working.

*trying to make an effort to focus on my good points and do some affirmations each day.

Maybe some of that will be helpful?!

I think the previous question about what you were told about yourself growing up is a good one. I got very negative messages growing up and so my internal voice/ self talk ( whatever you want to call it) is generally negative. I always feel guilty, in the wrong, not good enough etc. Being aware of that helps though because I can sometimes talk my self out of that and recognise when my brain is tricking me into blaming myself etc.

OP. Do you have anxiety? As it can make you feel this way. Not good enough, not liked etc.

*AIMD
*
Thank you for that, so kind of you to reply.
Yes I think I do have extremely low self esteem.
I will need to think of some affirmations and try and create a self mantra I guess.

I really cannot seem to knock this negative way about myself. Even sat watching tv I cannot watch an emotional piece or PDA without making comments about how weird and gross they are.

Ladymuck

Yes I do have diagnosed anxiety, currently unmedicated as I haven't found the right tablets yet.

@imnotlikeable

Ladymuck

Yes I do have diagnosed anxiety, currently unmedicated as I haven't found the right tablets yet.

I'm exactly the same. Unmedicated because I just don't get on with meds. But I often feel the same as you and think I'm a failure and unliked but after lots of reading I think it is just an aspect of anxiety.

Do you recognise any of your childhood here, OP? 💐

www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/childhood-emotional-neglect

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/emotional-abuse/

I can't say whether your marriage is healthy from what little you've said, but I would offer that you should be cautious that victims of childhood abuse and neglect can fall victim to relationship abuse (that could be husband and/or friends) whilst thinking it's all normal - as that IS their normal. Having been pre-groomed as a child, abuse victims often find themselves re-targeted and re-abused by platonic friends or romantic partners as an adult.

I think you sound like you might be a bit depressed. You seem to view yourself so negatively and are reflecting those feelings onto those around you.

I'm sure you have lots of great qualities which others see in you as well.

Do you think going to see your GP to talk about it might be a good place to start. Can you ask the receptionist to arrange a double appointment phone call with one of the GP's who specialise in mental health?

Be kind to yourself it's a tough world out there right now and with two small children it's extra tough. I'm sure you are lovely.

Yes, I too end up feeling this way. I have one good friend but the others kind of float around and I usually end up contacting them., rather than the other way round which I find frustrating. But I have noticed that the one good friend I have, we are on a similar wave length and I really enjoy her company whereas the others, I can natter to but I am not as stimulated by their company. I have come to the conclusion that I haven't found my tribe yet - that perhaps I need to try and meet a few more like-minded people somehow.

I have anxiety too and suffer from negativity. I am trying to explore that a bit. Not the best of upbringings and I don't feel particularly good about myself (low self-esteem). I am mid forties now and it feels as if I am just finding out a bit more about who I am, in terms of what I want and like to do. The problem is (and this applies to me too) that like tends to attract like. I find this particularly frustrating as I could do with a few positive, adventurous individuals in my life, who will take me out of myself (I know I should be doing this, but still). I have met a few over the years but sadly all three are no longer part of my life for various reasons - moved away etc.

When I was working, although I got along with people, I never developed any friendships as such. Not sure what the answer is but I know I blame myself rather than looking at the part another person has to play. Now, I'm trying to concentrate on me for a while, then, I hope to stumble across a few others who have similar aspirations to me.

Hell, sometimes I'm sure even my child doesn't like me 😏 I do have couple of friends but they're definitely not "I can call them in the middle of the night" friends. I am envious of people who have an actual best friend that they can tell everything to... I think I'm quite sociable and loyal as a friend so I sometimes think about why I haven't been able to form good, strong friendships, it does get me down too and the older I get the smaller the chance I will, I feel. My husband used to be my best friend but as years have gone on, I know it's not the case anymore and it does make me sad too.
I think end of the day, everyone is judgy so try not to think about that, work on your self esteem. How about therapy if you are not keen on meds? Also loads of videos on YouTube about self esteem, confidence etc

I have young children also and suspect I am suffering from depression (perhaps hormonal related).

Is it hormonal? I have a couple of days a month when I’m convinced nobody likes me and get really anxious about work then I wake up a day or so later and realise I was being ridiculous