What do I do with this knowledge?

[Twigglepips]

I found out after many years of marriage, that my husband (now ex) is a crossdresser and had been using my clothes, underwear, stockings, make-up etc for his own sexual satisfaction. When this information came out, he excitedly told me that the stains on some of my clothes and stockings would "have been him". It that materialised that he was also using our teenaged daughters clothes to pleasure himself in.

He has since met another woman and had two kids. The youngest is a girl and the oddest thing is that he hid the daughter's birth from his entire family as well as our two children. This was not the same with his son. All a bit odd?

Added to that, when his "very" jealous partner would argue with him, she found a way to contact me and on three different occasions referred to him as pedophile. She is a bit looney and this is the kind of vile stuff she would say, however something just doesn't sit right with me.

He is moving back to the UK soon. What would you do with this knowledge? Some would say that it's not directly harming anyone but what are your views on what he did/does?

Taking your previous relationship out if the situation, My views about the cross dressing are neutral, although the comment about stains and wearing his daughters clothes are just cringeworthy, indecent and unnecessary. I felt sick reading that and I hope your daughter doesn't know what her dad did in her clothing. ( And I'm sorry that you know about yours)

Obviously this is information you should have known and he betrayed you.

His new gf calling him a pedophile? Are they still together? It sounds off. I might be wrong and educate me if I am). I don't think there's a link with cross dressing and pedophilia?

The daughter being born but nothing being said? Was there a falling out or anything? It sounds strange but I don't think there's enough here to worry about something untowards happening with the new daughter.

Thank you for your comments. I do agree, however everything just seems odd, although I'm perhaps reading too much into it as I too was utterly disgusted by what he did.
I'm all for people being who they want to be by the way, but it was pretty violating.

Oh I have no doubt. It sounds awful, it isn't what he did so much as it's that everything was a lie. I totally understand that it sounds extremely violating. And the comment about the stain just sounds absurd and too much information. It must have been traumatic.

If you have some sort of contact with his new partner, I would tell him about what happened with your daughter's belongings and say you are letting her know because you have some concerns about his inappropriate behaviour with his children.

I think the fact that he is a crossdresser is neither here nor there. I have an ex who enjoyed crossdressing. No big deal. He is a perfectly healthy normal heterosexual man with a kink for dressing up in the clothes of the opposite gender. Nothing wrong or non-consensual about that. It's the use of your clothes and more worryingly getting a sexual kick from your daughter's clothes that is a serious concern.

I think she has a right to know. She may shoot the messenger, but it's not okay to take from her the right to make decisions about the safety of her own children. I'll give you an example. I have a family member (by marriage) who has a history of child sex offences. This person's ex partner and adult children both know about his convictions (that's why his ex split up with him). But he then married into my family, told all sorts of tales about his 'crazy ex' and 'horrible spiteful children' who took her side even though he was such a great dad. Because no one ever told us, this person had a lot of contact with my children. I have no reason to believe they were ever harmed, but I'll never know for sure. Now this wasn't my partner, so a bit less emotive for me, but if his ex or adult children had been in touch with me to share this information, I would have been incredibly grateful.

The partner has no contact with me (she is extremely jealous and very abusive). I did make my ex tell her about his cross dressing however I'm sure he played it down and I'm 100% certain he would never have told her about using our daughter's clothes and underwear.

But I'm assuming the daughter was grown and your ex used her clothes as they were the only ones available... Do you believe he got a sexual kick that they were hers? This doesn't sit with what I know about cross dressing so I didn't consider it. I just assumed they were "the path of least resistance" to meet his cross dressing needs.

Yes, teenaged daughter. I'm hoping it was purely a case of it just being "any female clothes"?

And underwear? It just gets seedier, doesn't it. I have to say though, I would NEVER give an abusive partner information like that. Because they are abusive their behaviour is unpredictable and possibly violent. Also, your ex might be seedy as hell but he hasn't actually sexually assaulted anyone that you know of has he?

I think folk should be who they want to be in every way, including sexually- unless it involves animals or children. I can’t know the ins and outs of clothes availability for your ex, but I’m assuming that you all lived together at the time he was telling you about, indicating he had access to your clothes, but chose instead to use your daughter’s. It also sounds like he cross dresses for a sexual thrill mainly, and the majority of people would lose all sexual inclination/thoughts around anything to do with their own child. His boundaries of appropriate behaviour around relationships appear very blurred, which is concerning, and can indicate risk, although I am not stating he has been, or is, a predator. I assume your children are old enough now to protect themselves, and it sounds as if his other daughter’s mother is more than capable of airing her own views. I am not sure what advice you are looking for but you know best what you really think, what your feeling is and what you should do. I can say that if a relevant professional was informed he gets excited in his daughter’s clothes red flags would be up and a conversation would be held with him to understand further. I wouldn’t tell new wife, but think you weren’t going to anyway, if you’re contemplating informing social care then that is an awful dilemma for you, and hope you work out what is right for everyone. Best of luck.

He is a perfectly healthy normal heterosexual man with a kink for dressing up in the clothes of the opposite gender.

That's an oxymoron to me.

And I wouldn't expect a man to think me a perfectly normal heterosexual woman if I dressed up as a male firefighter/rugby player/whatever and git a huge sexual kick out of it, masturbated etc.

That is absolutely sick that he used his teenage daughters clothes, never mind “they were just any female clothes”

@Twigglepips

The partner has no contact with me (she is extremely jealous and very abusive). I did make my ex tell her about his cross dressing however I'm sure he played it down and I'm 100% certain he would never have told her about using our daughter's clothes and underwear.

If the partner has no contact with you how do you know she is abusive and jealous? Is he telling you that? If so, that's rather convenient to ensure you don't compare notes.

This is wrong on so many fucking levels!

I can't believe people have had such a mild reaction to this on here. This man was dressing in his daughters clothes and sexually pleasuring himself, he kept the birth of another daughter a secret, and the woman he had that child with calls him a peadophile!
OP have you never questioned her as to why she calls him that, or what makes her believe that. Reading what he was doing in your DDS clothes was bad enough, it's sick!
Dress up in women's clothes, fine, but not your daughters clothes while you have a wank. Wether they are the only female clothes available or not!

As he could've used OP's clothes and did, his daughter's clothes were not the only clothes. He chose to wear them because it gave him a thrill- the most generous explanation is he got off on imagining him self as a teenage girl, or the clothes were of a style he found more arousing.

But I'm assuming the daughter was grown and your ex used her clothes as they were the only ones available... Do you believe he got a sexual kick that they were hers? This doesn't sit with what I know about cross dressing so I didn't consider it.

@LessCumbersome Almost everything on the planet is a kink for someone somewhere.

@Twigglepips What is it that you're considering? Telling his partner more of the details? I think I would, in case she does need to keep an eye on him around their daughter. You could ask her why she has concluded he's a paedo. Maybe he did something that to her seemed dodgy.

Maybe contact the police and social services

Fuck me, protect all of yours and his bloody children

Didn’t Jenner do the same thing with his teenage stepdaughter’s underwear ?
Horrible and creepy behaviour OP.

Contact the police and say what exactly? That he sexually assaulted some clothes? didn't tell people about his personal business or that his abusive partner calls him a pedophile?

Social services maybe they could do some sort of risk assessment....

The guys a creep but the OP has nothing to say that he's done anything illegally.