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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was it abuse?

29 replies

Soscared29 · 14/07/2020 10:38

I am having hard time getting over a past 8 year long relationship. It affected me in every way possible. It ended 6 years ago (I know).
I am currently in the process of facing up to this after deciding I don’t want to feel sad anymore.
But I wondered if the lovely MNers could help me with this....
I have always blamed myself. I started to get depressed in the last couple of years of our relationship, this made me angry, insecure and all the rest of the horrible things it does. I didn’t always treat him nicely and for that part I take full responsibility. The way he used to react to this was with anger. He grew up with alcoholic abuse father so this was all he knew. There would be times I would be beside myself in pain, having panic attacks. He would shout at me, try kick the door in. Threw things at me. On one occasion he grabbed my face. But this was only occasionally when he really couldn’t cope with me. And I think that’s why I blame myself. A lot of the time he was very sweet and thoughtful.
If this was you how would you look back and view this? I am very depressed right now as I am going through all this so rarely trust my own judgement of things.
Thank you if you’ve got this far x

OP posts:
LessCumbersome · 14/07/2020 12:34

Codependency has been linked to PTSD / C/PTSD , so look into that as well. This could help to explain why you're struggling to get over it.

LessCumbersome · 14/07/2020 12:40

I think (and I could be wrong so please feel free to correct me anyone) , but that people who are codependent in relationships that are abusive/ toxic could go on to have symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD. I know it's something I covered in counselling, but it was also due to childhood abuse in my case.... It's just that could also explain why you're struggling to get over this.

Soscared29 · 14/07/2020 12:45

Oh really @LessCumbersome thank you so much. Maybe this could be the answer. I think once I understand it all more I can start moving on from it and stop using it as a stick to beat myself with. I have a counselling session this Friday so I will definitely explore this

OP posts:
Itsallpointless · 14/07/2020 13:06

@Soscared29 you could also be grieving, there is 'complicated grief' where people are stuck and cannot move on. I do think you should explore these feelings with your counsellor.

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