Feel like I’m losing my mind

[CloudyEggs]

I just want to begin this by saying that I’m pregnant (third trimester) and have a history of anxiety.

I’ve lost my mind today. This is our first baby, we’ve been together for years. DH is fantastic, we’re very happy, he is very open, he compliments me, cares for me and is still interested in me. He has done absolutely nothing to make me feel this way, so I know this is all in my head, but for some reason I’m terrified he is going to have an affair and leave me in the next few years.

I have put weight on with the pregnancy and am panicking I won’t be able to lose It. I’m worried I am going to change beyond recognition and I don’t know why.

I’m exhausted. I’m not sleeping, I have stopped putting in as much care with myself like wearing make up and shaving and I know this will only get worse when the baby arrives. When I look in the mirror I see an old hag. I can’t fit into any clothes, including my usual jeans with a belly band. I’ve developed a tonne of chins and big spots. Everyone says you should be blooming but all I see is wrinkles and bags. I should be doing more whilst I’m at home to prep for baby and keep the house clean but I’m just sitting around doing FA.
I am keeping it tidy-ish, doing his dinner, looking after our gorgeous dog and doing the shopping,’so it’s not a complete tip but there is so much to do and I should be doing it whilst he is working as he is working longer hours at the moment.

He hasn’t said any of this of course, he is being so lovely and understanding of me. It hasn’t been the easiest pregnancy and he has been super supportive. I don’t know where this has come from and why I am in the mess.

Is this just hormones?

I think this your hormones and your propensity to anxiety mixed together. It is an anxious time having a baby but also the most wonderful. I think you need some counselling asap to help you through this.

Yes, it's just the hormones. And they'll probably be messing with you for a while yet including for some time after your baby is born, particularly if you breastfeed (since that triggers certain hormones) but not only then because, as I understand it, the simple act of parenting also triggers certain hormones. Vicki Iovine (author of Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood which I found brilliant) maintains that there are actually four trimesters to pregnancy - the fourth occurs after your baby is born.

There is a perfect mix of wit and wisdom in Vicki Iovine's writing and I found her particularly reassuring on the business of postnatal emotions, blues and depression. You might benefit from a read of her.

Glad you're sitting around doing FA. Believe me - once your baby has arrived you will have more or less no time to yourself for months (any spare time should be spent sleeping!). You sound like someone who has very high standards for yourself - let some of them slide. The early months of having a baby will throw your orderly life into total disarray in any case - and that's fine! In fact, it's as it should be.

The dust will probably start to settle about 2-3 months after your baby is born by which time you may start to be able to create some sort of rhythm to the day. Before that, your baby will almost certainly be calling the shots the vast majority of the time and you won't be able to get much else done at all. I remember the DH of one of my most super-organised friends returning home from a day at work and noting that the washing was half out of the machine - this kind of epitomises looking after a newborn: my friend has not even managed to complete the process of emptying the washing machine - and she's an absolute stickler for order.

Don't worry about a thing - concentrate on your baby and on the incredible transition of going from coupledom to parenthood. It's the wildest roller-coaster ride imaginable! Just expect chaos to start with and go easy on yourselves and you'll be fine.