Am I in the wrong? Is this fair?

[Izzy2015]

Me and my partner have been together 2 years on Saturday. On Saturday it is our anniversary and I was so looking forward to spending the day/evening together going somewhere and doing something nice. We don't see each other that much through the week he goes to work before I get up and gets back around 6/7. He has now turned round to me and said he's working Saturday, I said why you doing that it's our anniversary I thought we could spend some quality time together as we can't do that as much because of work. But he said he's off to work instead (doesn't usually ever work Saturdays). That we can do something on the evening. I feel shit and upset. Am I in the wrong? Should I be making an issue of this? X

A lot of people out there are worried for their job security right now, so I can see why he might not have felt able to turn down work if he was asked to go in: appearing flexible and committed can be the difference between whether you’re considered for redundant or not.

You’ll have a nice evening, he’s said you can do something then. It really shouldn’t be that big a deal. If he’d ditched you for something other than work you might have had a point.

I had a similar issue last weekend at fours years and was told quite clearly that it means nothign so why should he be expected to do something .

Sounds like your boyfriend has a similar opinion

Did he know you wanted to do something to mark the day? I am not big on anniversaries so it wouldn't occur to me to earmark the day to do something.

@bloodywhitecat

Did he know you wanted to do something to mark the day? I am not big on anniversaries so it wouldn't occur to me to earmark the day to do something.

Yes I'd said about doing something maybe going to the zoo and I've kept saying it's our 2 year anniversary this month! Then this happens!

He's said he'll be free to do something in the evening. I would just arrange a lovely evening out instead to make it special.

how old are you op? Most people don't take days off for anniversaries especially 2 year. As pp said the job security is really important at the moment.

At any point did he agree that 2 years of meeting is an anniversary to celebrate together? You say you mentioned it a lot, are you expecting to exchange gifts etc.

We have some friends and they celebrate every anniversary. The first time they met, dated, got engaged, married (that one obv). But they are both obviously on the same page. I don't know if me or my DH could narrow down the month we met, never mind the date.

Couldn't get upset about it. Why don't you just do something in the evening?

If it's something he never usually does then maybe, really, he's planning a surprise op...

I’d just do something nice in the evening or on Sunday. I used to do something with my ex for the first few years on our anniversary and we’d just fit it in where we could. It’s about celebrating the relationship, it doesn’t have to be on the exact day.

I think you're taking this personal when it's not. You didn't have anything decided or booked to do. You mentioned the zoo? Sounds like you hadn't really planned anything. And he's working, he's not blown you off to go out with friends. Yes I think you're over reacting.

I think you need some perspective here. He's not going to blow work out because you've decided to celebrate the day you met. It's not important to him - you are but not the date. Come up with what you'd like to do in the evening that you will both like and then enjoy each other's company.

Maybe he doesn't feel the day is "that" important. It's not a wedding anniversary -- just the day you met, or moved in together, or something more casual.

You’re upset because he is doing his job.

Did you say “its our anniversary on x date I don’t want you to work/make any plans as I want us to so n activity on this day?”

I was told our anniversary was coming up in April, I’m not fussed about them, they are of no significance to me. He knows that if he wants it to be a ‘thing’ he needs to let me know as to me its no different to any other monday etc.

Anniversaries are not a big deal to everyone , we’ve been married very happily for 31 years , I couldn’t even tell you what date we met or got engaged the closest I’d get is a month and year for either date . I think you need to just do something in the evening .

He's offered to celebrate it in the evening though OP? Clearly you just werent on the same page re expectations. I wouldn't expect someone to take a day off for a wnd anniversary anymore than I would my birthday, as an adult. Sure it would be nice, but I wouldn't let it upset me, no.

Have you asked him why he is working Saturday when he usually doesn't? If it's money or job security during this pandemic, I can't blame him.

I'd ask the question, accept the answer and plan what you'll do in the evening and not spoil that by making it an issue tbh. Unless you are unhappy in the relationship generally and it's symptomatic of other issues, let it slide and enjoy the night out!

I’m really sorry op I don’t think this is enough of a big deal to get angry about. I get that you’re disappointed and it’s sucks that you feel let down but from his point of view I think maybe he doesn’t realise at all that it was that big a thing. It isn’t something that’s traditionally celebrated so he can kinda be forgiven for not realising the level of importance if held for you. I’d chat with him and tell him you were dead disappointed but that you get it might not have been a massive deal from his side and ask if you can set aside another day to celebrate your relationship. If it’s really important for you that’s it’s an annual thing, set a date, let him know and get him to put it in his phone or stick it on the calendar, whatever, as long as he knows it’s a huge thing! Honestly though, my partner and I have been together the same amount of time and we do not do this, nor do I know anyone who does tbh. Sorry op, always sucks when you’re hurt

I think YABU. He’s going to work and you’re going to celebrate together when you get home. What’s the problem?

This might be crazy, but could he be planning something? Trying to make the day more eventful, or giving himself time to get things done? My husband did this when he proposed 😂

Lordy. I don't even remember my wedding anniversary. Usually the card from my mother reminds us.
I could not give 2 shits about any dating anniversary. I didn't even know that was a thing.

What’s the issue with going out to do something in the evening?

I think YABU. Work comes first, especially at the moment. We didn’t celebrate our anniversary this year, we weren’t bothered, too many other things going on. Go to the zoo the day after and do something in the evening.

I get it means a lot to you but these aren’t normal circumstances. You’ll have other celebrations. X

Well I do think it's rather strange if he's never worked a Saturday in the two yrs that you've been together & you mention a day out & he's now working!

Unless there's some specific reason that he didn't mention?

Possibly has a surprise planned OP?

Don’t get too stuck on that idea though just in case he actually does just head out to work!

Your relationship is the important thing, not anniversaries of 2 years since you got together.

And in times like these, you might do better to support the fact that he is working.

If lack of quality time is an issue, look at how you manage your lives and make some adjustments if you can, rather than make a hoo hah about an anniversary that most people wouldn’t even k ow when to celebrate.