How do you cope with your ex portraying you as something you’re not?

[SunflowerYellow]

My ex has recently split up with his gf. He is a horrid person who lies, cheats and gaslights. He’s also addicted to weed.
She contacted me after and told me the reasons etc. I’ve helped her through it as best I can and I actually get along with her pretty well. She’s told me I’m nothing like he portrayed me as and I’m a lovely person.
He’s now moved onto the next Gf just weeks later. He’s introduced her to the kids already and I’m just so annoyed by it. I know he will be portraying me as this unreasonable psycho to her which is just not true, I know I shouldn’t care but I can’t stand him telling lies about me to make himself look good! I’m a good mum, I encourage contact with the kids, I swap days around if he has plans. How do you cope with this?

You just learn to. I have no idea what my ex says about me but I can guarantee its not good. Everyone I care about knows what he is like so, over time I learned just not to care.
I recently ended things with someone I'd been dating for 7 months and he tried to accuse me of stuff that was complete nonsense (to avoid taking blame for his behaviour) and I just know he will be telling people all these lies. Its still stings but you can't control how others behave.

not a lot you can do about it OP. I know it must be beyond frustrating. Just keep doing what you're doing, being a mature, reliable and loving presence for the kids and a nice person to others. You have nothing to prove to people outside your family and your kids will love you no matter how much of a tosser he is.

Label it as another unimaginative tactic from the abuser handbook.

I'm just indifferent to it now. It bothered me at first and I felt like I had something to prove to those that heard the lies , it quickly became exhausting though! I guess I figure that I was taken in by his manipulations for a time , and these people are experiencing the same.

You've unfortunately just got to shrug it off and see that others will eventually do that too.

It used to bother me what ex-boyfriend was telling people. I'm pretty sure he made everyone that would listen think he was the victim. It bothered me a lot, particularly because mutual friends ended up being friends just with him cos he painted me as some over-reacting crazy person. I eventually realised that they're just victims of him too and they can figure it out when he turns on them.

At the end of the day, he's lost someone honest, caring, someone who really loved him. All I lost was a lying dickhead and that's all they've got for a friend. They might think he's the victim or he's the nice one, but it's a mask and it'll fall. One of them is pregnant and the things he's said about her behind her back are appalling.

Recognise it as a MH disorder like NPD, ignore it, protect kids as much as possible and move on.

Learn not to react.
My Ex is a convicted abuser.
He has many ‘new’ friends who know nothing of his history.
He has family members who know the history but chose to remain in contact with him.
He slates me constantly on social media. And they lap it up.

I don’t care anymore. I know my truth.

He is a horrid person who lies, cheats and gaslights.
This is why he describes you as a psycho.

When I found out my ex was cheating, he beat me up, and then told everyone I was a psycho.

You wait patiently..
Exh branded me all sorts. Including being a prostitute to the dc!
At 12 +14 they had had enough and went nc.
With him.

There’s nothing you can do. You just have to let it go.

I realised that the people who matter won’t believe him; I don’t care what his new girlfriend or friends think of me. My ex tried to portray me badly to my best friend (obviously she saw through this) and that was the only thing that made me really angry but anyone else I don’t care about.

My ex still portrays himself as the victim. He tells everyone that I harass and stalk him. It is the other way round but he's very convincing. I'm sure some people think I'm a complete psycho.

It is hard but I try to just ignore and not react. Any reaction makes me look like the psycho he says I am

Thank you everyone. I guess I just have to let go of the urge to try defend myself and leave him to be a liar.

Keep in mind the old cliche ‘the people who matter, don’t matter and the people who mind, don’t matter’

You’re family and real friends know, who cares what some random unfortunate woman thinks.

Ermm, well I ballsed that Up,

The people who matter don’t MIND.

Ahem.

If he has introduced her to the kids then you could go introduce yourself to her. Just drop by when you know she is at his with your kids and be really warm like 'hello, lovely to meet you, I've heard so much about you, I do love your bag it's such a pretty colour. Just thought I'd better come say hi and introduce myself seen as the little ones have met you already'. Ect. If you are nothing but pleasant to her, it will contradict his negative narrative of you.

I hope my ex tells everyone I'm the worse, make himself look stupid.

If someone who doesn't actually know me doesn't like me and goes off someone's else tales of me 🤣 then what a sheep 🐑 what a fool.

Crazy Biatches are the best! I've rarely be Crazy ex than dating a man who is a Big Pussy blaming others for why he can't do this or that!

This came up on my fb today so I thought I'd share