Wife and I have been together for 22 years and married for 11 and we have two grown up children. I'm 37 and shes 39.
Around beginning of April I felt my wife becoming distant from me and I eventually asked her what was going on with us. At this point she says that we needed time apart and with little discussion she moved out. Next day she calls and tells me that we're not getting back together that she has feelings for someone else. Surprise surprise its someone she works with and is 13 years her senior (if that even matters).
So I went into melt down as you do and I pleaded and begged and done all the stupid things that I know know not to do, she came back for a week and it was a disater I was trying too hard and she moved back out and was adamant it was over.
A few months later (mid-June) she says she wants to try again and we make it through two weeks this time. We ended up in an argument as I felt that she was not putting in the effort and that I was the one doing all the trying and she left again. The second time she came back she said that she felt her feelings came back and she stopped seeing a future with this guy but of course that now seems to have reversed.
All the while throughout this turmoil she has been on/off (with the exception of the times she came back to me) she has been seeing and texting this co-worker who she has been texting since around Dec/Jan. I know from the times she has been away that they have been physical (she told me).
Of course throughout this time we've managed to talk and I understand now she has been feeling taken for granted (she was dealing with all the bills) and I was a spender and she hated that and she felt it would never change. I've completley aknowledged how shes feeling about that and how she felt that may have been a hopeless situation and that she'd hoped that it would change and it didn't. I understand words are not enough so to show her things could change I sold a lot of gadgets etc that I bought and paid off existing debts and I have started to save but right now it seems the situation is impossible and with her telling me its over I have no choice but to accept this. I really have seen the mistakes I've made and I am implimenting true change but from where she is it seems she can't recall anything good about our marriage, its all negitive and it seems I am all to blame.
I may be in the denial stage but we've been together since I was 15 and she was 17 and I just feel in the pit of my stomach that she is being carried away by the possibilities of this new man. She can still be very affectionate with me and said that she still fancies me.
From my point of view I know we can't work on the marriage unless she wants to and I know we can't do anything until she stops seeing this new man. So do I just let go for now and simply hope that things change down the line (I know I need to look after myself as well).
I'll end with I love this woman with all my heart despite the pain I have felt that last few months.