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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was he that interested if he ended it like this?

25 replies

CakesRus3 · 13/07/2020 06:47

Started seeing a guy in January. Then in March we went into lockdown. Only met a handful of times. We were very good throughout. Just messaged, occasionally phone call and walk. At times a few situations came about and I thought he was quite childish in his response to certain things but blamed the situation. He would text alot and always say he didn't need much sleep therefore, text late at night. I felt it was getting a little boring. So when we were then able to meet properly I thought it would be less so. However, even though it became more intimate, I felt like more of a friend in his company and I thought it was because for 3 months we have had to be. I wanted to give it a little time. His messaging continued. I did pop to his house a few times. I then asked him over on the weekend to watch a film and he said he was too tired as he had a busy day. He had visited his parents and brother. I explained that now we can see eachother, you are too tired. He continued to ask why I haven't messaged him. I explained that that's all we have been doing for months, I would really like to spend time now. I also said about him being up late texting but too tired to actually visit. I asked if he was that interested as he doesn't appear to be. He got angry. The next day I didn't hear anything so messaged to ask if he was ok. He responded with. Friends is all we will be. I asked why. His reply was 'lastnight, having a go'. I explained I was just expressing how I felt and asking if you were interested in spending time with me. He then said 'just friends now'. So I answered ok if thats how you feel i can't change it. That was that, just like that.

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 13/07/2020 06:50

He sounds hard work, boring and not for you. Be grateful you found out before committing.

blisstwins · 13/07/2020 06:51

he is juvenile...you dodged a bullet

Headandheart · 13/07/2020 06:52

I don’t think that’s even friends.

NotaCoolMum · 13/07/2020 06:57

He sounds like a drippy whiny man-child. You’re better off without this “friend”! 💐

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 13/07/2020 06:59

I thought he was quite childish in his response to certain things Red flag

text late at night Selfish

I then asked him over on the weekend to watch a film and he said he was too tired Not interested and lazy.

He got angry red flag red flag red flag. He got angry at you pointing out that he doesnt seem that interested. You're not allowed to question anything he does.

'lastnight, having a go'. I explained I was just expressing how I felt and asking if you were interested in spending time with me. He then said 'just friends now' He has such little respect for you, you dont even deserve full sentences?

He sounds like an Utter wanker. Youve had a lucky escape. Block him now. He isnt your friend. If he tries texting you again, remember what is the point? He Is boring and isnt interested in making any effort at all.

Ignoble · 13/07/2020 07:02

The only thing that makes me wonder is why on earth you confused to be interested in someone this dull and low-energy.

PicsInRed · 13/07/2020 07:03

I would text him that you won't be friends with someone who talks to you like that and think it's best you call it a day. Then dont have anything more to do with him.

Childish sulkers are a nightmare.

Pesimistic · 13/07/2020 07:09

Dont give him any more time, hes already blaming you for the relationship change because you questioned him, he likes his own way, isnt bothered about you in the slightest. To answer your question, no he wasnt that bothered. It shouldn't be this much the work

BitOfFun · 13/07/2020 07:10

Yeah, leave it there.

CakesRus3 · 13/07/2020 07:22

Thankyou everyone. I feel a bit sad this morning. Why? All of your comments are right. Yes, he had little respect in his response. Very true, how can he be a friend. Friends don't treat you that way. Why do I feel upset?
I did question something before and he replied with 'i do not appreciate being made to feel I have done something wrong'. I remember thinking then, I'm only asking a question/expressing how I felt. He said he wasn't a door mat, his wife treated him that way. I did try and say to him, we are allowed to express how we feel, it's what people do to get to know eachother. I told him I wasn't his ex wife.
I have not messaged him after that. I just deleted his number and removed him from social media.

OP posts:
peachesandoranges · 13/07/2020 07:31

He sounds like my lazy and boring ex. You are better off out of it. I doubt it is about you personally, he just cannot be arsed. That is who he is.

Also the getting angry at you when you expressed your feelings and saying he felt like a door mat with his ex wife. My ex was like this. They only want a woman they can be in control of really. You may think you are allowed to express your opinion, but he doesn't think that.

Honestly some of these men are carbon copies of each other. I've had enough of them all for now as I am so tired of it and had so many shitty experiences. You are lucky very lucky that it didn't get more serious as he has shown what a childish twat he is.

Lucky escape. Well done for deleting and removing. Block him if you haven't. Move on.

peachesandoranges · 13/07/2020 07:34

I used to also say to my ex things like "you know I am allowed to have a different opinion to you." It was insane that he ever made me feel like I wasn't allowed to. These men are pathetic, honestly.

Stay away from him and don't be sad!!! You have had a lucky escape.

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 13/07/2020 07:34

He said he wasn't a door mat, his wife treated him that way
She had a lucky escape. And often entitled men think theyre being treated like a doormat when they are expected to be an equal partner. Your partner is lazy. I bet ‘treated like a doormat’ means he was expected to share the load.

Did you actually block his number before deleting?

Crystalspider · 13/07/2020 07:34

You will feel sad, you've given several months of your time and energy into him for him to be lazy and uninterested in trying to work it out with you.
You've done the right thing by deleting him, it wasn't meant to be.

ShebaShimmyShake · 13/07/2020 07:41

Doesn't sound like you liked him very much, and I can see why. He sounds pretty dull.

Crystal87 · 13/07/2020 07:52

He's lost interest along the way and is turning it round on you to make it look your fault and using it as an excuse to end things. His reaction won't be entirely on what you said to him so don't beat yourself up about it. He sounds lazy and spineless so you should let him go.

CakesRus3 · 13/07/2020 12:03

Thankyou everyone. I haven't blocked him as I didn't think to before deleting.
He has just made me feel a worthless by the way he just texted and ended it. That's why I'm sad I guess. It makes me feel like I have done something wrong. It's not nice when someone thinks so little of you to text that way with no explanation.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 13/07/2020 12:20

Why on earth would you allow yourself to feel worthless because of this whiny ManBrat and his completely meh texts and (in)actions? He's virtually a stranger!

Lucky escape there!

Kissinggate · 13/07/2020 13:07

Exactly what @TwentyViginti said, OP. All your posts are about him and whether he was interested in you, but you appear to overlook entirely whether you found anything whatsoever to like or attract in a self-pitying manbaby with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

In fairness, it doesn't sound (understandably) as if you did like him much, so why is this causing you distress?

In future. prioritise your own feelings.

Louise0701 · 13/07/2020 13:09

Jesus, lucky escape OP he sounds a complete man child!

YesYesBoi · 13/07/2020 13:15

You had a 'textationship' which was convenient for him.

He probably doesn't sleep well, so is up late at night.
The back and forth of this feels very teenager.

The real question you want to ask yourself, apart from some good times is this or was this ever someone you wanted to spend years with?..

Find someone who matches your energy at the very start.

bangheadhere40 · 14/07/2020 10:20

I wonder if we were in a situation ship with the same man. Everything you have said rings so many bells.

Deflecting at it's finest. Horrible.....you deserve so much better.

ShitStain · 14/07/2020 10:24

He probably sleeps in til half 2 in the afternoon and stays up til 6am in the morning playing multiplayer games online with screaming 16 year olds.

Bullet - dodged.

bangheadhere40 · 14/07/2020 10:29

Of course you will feel sad. I felt extremely sad when the man I had invested months in just dismissed me for trying to Express my feelings too.

Everyone is right though....when you look at it what were you getting out of it? I was just getting sold fake promises. I agree it's all about control.

CakesRus3 · 14/07/2020 19:07

Probably not a great deal. It's difficult to find someone as we get older. I do question if all men are this way.
He worked through lockdown but doesn't do a great deal other than that. I guess nobody has throughout lockdown. He would sleep after work for a few hours. He was very set in his ways. Mop his floors on a Wednesday, food shop on a Thursday, iron on a Friday. He didn't venture far but I put it down to being single. It was new so I wasn't sure. I was still getting to know him.

OP posts:
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