AIBU

[notoveruntilthefatladysings]

My husband stabbed his finger in the kitchen sink tonight and yelled with the back door wide open and my 9&12 year old in hearing distance ' fucking hell!!' 'Bolox'. 'I'm such a tit'. I told him to stop being so loud and to calm down. He tells me I need to get over myself and it hurts. Obviously I know that! But seriously can you not bite your tongue a bit for the sake of the kids. Am I being a twat to say that. He always massively over reacts to things and my son copies him and deals with things in the same explosive manner. I'm trying to get across that he needs to model some level of being in control that is all. Anyway he reacted really badly to me asking him to calm down. AIBU?

I tend to over react like that as well without meaning to. It's an instant reaction in me to curse if I've injured myself etc..
He might not have been able to help himself. I agree it's not nice for the kids to hear but I'm sure it's just one of those things

Yes YANU.

YABU that should have said!

If this was a one off, yabu, but if he does in fact "always" overreact like this with an explosive temper, he needs to learn how to control himself. He's setting a very bad example.

Yes YABU - how about you hurt yourself unexpectedly and see what comes out of your mouth (or doesn't if you are so perfect!) 🤣)

YABU.

I banged my knee on the corner of the coffee table this afternoon and shouted out fuck! My 5 and 6 year old were in the living room with me I don't usually swear it was just a reaction 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yabu.

I think some sort of expletive once if you cut yourself badly is ok. Then after that the person realizes there surroundings and just oww should suffice.

I banged my knee on the corner of the coffee table this afternoon and shouted out fuck! My 5 and 6 year old were in the living room with me. I don't usually swear it was just a reaction

@thesedaysarescary Yes, you bashed yourself and said 'Fuck!' You didn't then go 'arse' and 'wank!'

YABU
Besides a 9 & 12 year old have heard it all before and probably use it daily with their friends.

The poor guy. I wonder if you would be so controlled, op, when faced with shocking, unexpected pain?

YABU.

Don't get me wrong. I would probably say one word too. They've heard stuff before and im not shielding them from bad language per se it's the fact it's repeatedly shouting words and he has an explosive temper and denies most overreactions to things. Our 12 year old is the sand and it's getting worse. We've had many conversations about modelling some form of controlled/calmer behaviour. It's just serving to show the kids even more how to go massively over the top in situations.

Don't get me wrong. I would probably say one word too. They've heard stuff before and im not shielding them from bad language per se it's the fact it's repeatedly shouting words and he has an explosive temper and denies most overreactions to things. Our 12 year old is the sand and it's getting worse. We've had many conversations about modelling some form of controlled/calmer behaviour. It's just serving to show the kids even more how to go massively over the top in situations.

My DC10 & DC8 have learnt more swear words through lockdown than they would if they'd have spent 4 months in a gutter. Give over. He hurt hiself. Let him be.

I always tried not to swear in front of my children but when my son was about six I dropped a sofa I was moving on my foot. Took myself and small son off to hospital and when the Dr asked what happened, my son piped up "she dropped the sofa on her toe and said some very bad words " I didn't even realise I had sworn, if it's a one off from your husband YABU.

We've had many conversations about modelling some form of controlled/calmer behaviour. It's just serving to show the kids even more how to go massively over the top in situations.

But this scenario is not an example of going “massively over the top”
And you can go too far demanding controlled/calmer behaviour in situations like this when someone has injured themselves. Children need to feel home is a safe space to vent emotions, and this includes negative emotions as a result of being in pain. I don’t see how you’re doing anything other than telling your husband to exhibit stoicism.

Children need to feel home is a safe space to vent emotions, and this includes negative emotions as a result of being in pain. I don’t see how you’re doing anything other than telling your husband to exhibit stoicism.

OP is saying her husband is over the top in numerous situations, and that it's potentially making her children more like it too. I think she would know whether he is or not, what with living with him.

As she's said in later posts, yes say 'aargh' once or fuck or whatever, but don't go on a Father Jack-like roll.

Yes children need to express their emotions. They also need to learn to regulate them and the expression of them- we don't go round crying like babies all the time or acting as if we have verbal Tourette's when we don't.

I cut my finger the other day. I went 'eek!' once. And I have Borderline traits.

Yabu almost controlling.

@SoulofanAggron

I cut my finger the other day. I went 'eek!' once. And I have Borderline traits.

So what? I have major depressive disorders and I don't tend to make any noise when I'm hurt. What does that have to do with the OPs partner saying some mildly offensive things after what sounds like quite a bad injury?

OP if I were your partner I'd probably tell you to piss off if you told me to pipe down after expressing pain, none of what he said is that offensive and it doesn't sound like it was a prolonged thing.

It’s probably not the best thing to say in front of kids, buts let’s be real if anyone seriously said hurt themselves they would probably said similar.

Also, at 12 that word is probably no stranger to him. In fact under BBFC guidelines, he could legally buy/view a 12 rated film with one use of that word in it.

I get your point but YABU

I think this is one of those cases, that in an ideal, mn world, we'd tell ourselves we'd say 'gosh, darn it, that hurt', however in reality we'd probably swear and rant a little. It's a bit like saying you'll never bribe your kids with chocolate or stick them in front of the telly, before having kids, in reality the vast majority of us do, do this from time to time. We're all human, I might have raised an eyebrow at him but I'd not think of being annoyed, unless he swears I front of the dc on a regular basis