Visits from SIL

[Shattered]

This may seem a bit trivial but it's starting to bug me. My sister-in-law has two little girls, one is 3 and the other one is 15 months. My ds is 2, so we try to get the three of them together at least once a month so they can play. Firstly, she always seems to want to come to my place instead of me going to her place. We only live 10 minutes' drive from each other and our homes are quite similar so I don't really see what the problem is. Also it seems that every time she comes over now, she says "I won't be staying long." Today she came around at 2.30pm and then had to leave to pick up her stepson from school at 3.00pm. Basically she stays anywhere between 30 min to an hour, whereas she used to stay for a couple of hours. I don't really see the point in staying for half an hour, and considering that it's usually her that rings me to ask if she can come over, I'm finding it a bit confusing. I suppose I'm getting paranoid that she is always saying that she can't stay long - does anyone else have family/friends that do this??! Thanks.

Four of us met at antenatal, 2 had girls, 2 had boys. One of the friends with a girl has started behaving a bit 'funny' with us, like our kids are over-excitable and messy. Her girl is very 'protected', not allowed to make any mess, doesn't mix well with other kids (they are all too aggressive!) and the kids are only 19/20 months. If she does come to a meet, she just gets in the door before she says she can't stay long, or that she almost decided not to bother to come at all. If one of our kids goes near hers, she panics and rushes over and cuddles her. Our kids are not monsters!! She is quite outspoken, often saying things that could be rather upsetting, and recently she rang one of the group to say that her child was scared of coming to her house and perhaps they would be unable to meet again. We just wonder what this poor child will be like when (or if) she goes to nursery and especially school. She rarely invites us to her house but always invites herself to ours! Can't offer any advice with your SIL perhaps it is just peoples' strange habits!

It sounds like your friend is too overprotective with her child, Bluestar, & it's probably not a good thing for her daughter. But my SIL is not like that at all, she is very laid back with her kids and is very happy for them to play with my ds. Luckily DS is a nice-natured little boy and not rough at all (so far!), and my SIL seems to be very fond of him, so as far as her behaviour goes I don't really understand it. It's hard to say what goes on in someone else's mind, but I guess I'm just starting to take it a bit personally.

Shattered, Perhaps she just finds it hard to deal with a lot of children at the same time, I know I do and rarely invite other people to my house because I am usually counting the minutes until they leave. By always coming to you she is able to limit the time that she has to stay, whereas she can hardly tell you to leave after half an hour at her house can she? I usually find things less stressful if we are on neutral territory eg. in the park or at a play gym, the kids can't do any damage, don't fight over each others toys and there's no clearing up to do afterwards. BTW I'm stressed out today because DS's friend is coming to tea today and I'm dreading it.

Shattered, I didn't mean to insinuate that your SIL was like that, I was just sharing an experience of someone behaving in a similar manner. My SIL has 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl, and our house isn't that big and when they are all there together, it's chaos but a happy chaos! Perhaps your SIL feels guilty for imposing on you with her children and feels that she should only stay a short time? Perhaps you could let her know that it's fine for her to stay longer if she wishes?

Bluestar I'm sorry, I didn't take you the wrong way but it probably sounded like I did. I appreciated your response but I was just saying that I knew my SIL wasn't like this with her children, and I was feeling frustrated with her yesterday. Thanks for your input, I always appreciate the advice that people offer.