Think I handled this wrongly

[emarners1]

Second date, met in a public place and chatted for about 7 hours. He had made an effort with the planning of the meeting and brought food/drinks for us. Later in the day, he then suggested going back to his for food, and cooked for me. Things progressed and we ended up being on the verge of dtd, at which point I started shivering (it was cold/I was nervous!) and he ended up asking if I was ok... I said I was a little nervous and was into him but was keen to take it slow, he was fine and asked me to stay anyway. This morning we chatted for a while and he made me a cup of tea - when I said I had to go, he said he would walk me to the nearest transport stop so I could get home.

I texted since thanking him for the food and a nice time. He replied a few hours later, "haha yeah was great fun. Yes I think the book we were talking about was XYZ x" in response to a jokey comment I had made.

Do I leave it here? Feel quite embarrassed and stressed about my reaction to intimacy too, and like that may have put him off

Do you want to see him again?

Yeah I do but want him to want to see me too, if that makes sense!

Why on earth would you leave it there? It sounds like it went great! He sounds very respectful and I don't think either of you have played it wrong.

I am not sure you did anything wrong tbh. What is it that you think you did wrong?

From what I can see you didn't want to dtd, said so. The next day you thanked him a nice date.
His response is a little vague but I don't think that bears any relationship to your actions.

He hasn’t done anything to suggest you’ve put him off though? He was kind and considerate by the sounds of it. Don’t waste time analysing texts like a teenager. If you like him and want to keep seeing him then just ring him!

The wrong thing to do is to have sex when you are not ready. It’s not going to make any difference to his feelings for you.

Send a friendly response.

Why would you leave it there?

Respond to his text, and see how it goes. What makes you think he doesn't want to see you again?

What?! He sounds nice, he's into you, he wanted you to stay just to spend ti.e with you, he remembered the book you were interested in, what's the problem?

I think you're feeling a bit vulnerable and maybe over thinking things a bit. Just be confident, don't start over texting and torturing yourself. He will probably be floating along completely unaware that you're feeling so anxious about it all.

Were you drinking? Could you have a bit of 'the beer fear' now, because I'm really not seeing what you're worried about?

I followed up with a statement last night and then a question a couple of hours ago and nothing back. Very different from his normal chatty texting style

Makes me feel he was just after doing dtd and that the rest of the stuff was borne out of guilt/trying to be nice afterwards. He's obviously not feeling it now I imagine?

Ah, well, good job you didn't shag him then. If he was just after getting into your knickers then the same thing would have happened, but you'd probably feel worse.

You didn't do anything wrong. It didn't feel right and you listened to that feeling. That's good. That's looking after yourself.

Unfortunately I have been through this and felt like utter shit for months after. Was talking to this man for months went on a date similar to yours . I didn't want to do it and he acted the same all
Nice. Asked me to stay anyways . Found out he asked me to stay in the hope that I give in ! Lovely the next morning I even stayed until the afternoon ! Went home text him and he replied . Like a totally different man ! We were sending essays before meeting up . Now I had one or two word replies . He went quiet for months . Stupidly started talking again went on another date stupidly dtd because I diet pressured this time and I didn't hear off him again 😂

I feel quite hurt as we seemed to be really on the same page on lots of things! And opened up to each other quite deeply - it seemed to me.

Now rehashing everything in my brain and wondering was I too weird/too open/did I say something that put him off/was he just after one thing...

You only had two dates - it's easy for someone to mirror you and appear on the same page. I don't know why you're rushing to think there's something wrong with you.

Don't over think it op or blame yourself . Some men are just in there to see how many shags they can get x

He's the type of guy that if you just ignored him and moved on, would text out of the blue in a month like - wtf? I thought we had something.

Just forget about this one and move on OP. I know it's hard when you're dating but maybe not open up as much on the first few dates. Even just through texting. It makes you more vulnerable. Keep the emotional intimacy for someone who deserves it and who's proved that they are worthy and open to something deeper.

Good for you for not shagging the prick!