Advice needed on being tactful please

[Easy]

Ds has made a new friend at school, who we are inviting home for tea.

I've chatted with his mum at the school gate, and she has said "With there just being Cameron and me, he's having to grow up fairly independant". Unfortunately the kids came out then, and I couldn't ask or anything.

How do I find out tactfully why Cameron doesn't have a daddy around?

I want to know so I don't put my foot in it talking to her, or to Cameron. I don't know whether she is a miss or a mrs, or even if she has the same surname as Cameron.

Sorry if I seem gauche, it's with the best of intentions.

I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure it will come out naturally. You will undoubtedly get another opportunity to ask. I don't have the same surname as my DS for e.g. as I'm not married to DP but it's not a huge issue.

I agree, let it happen on its own. It's more "natural" that way and you won't feel so awkward.

Agree with the others. Sounds like she will tell you anyway and will be open about it.

Why do you need to know 'why' there isn't a dad around? there isn't always. And so what about her surname, are you going to write to her or something? If you need to know ask her. It's no dark secret these days not to be part of a nuclear family - those of us who are not are not ashamed of it! Just treat her like any other person for goodness sake.

Why do you need to know 'why' there isn't a dad around? there isn't always. And so what about her surname, are you going to write to her or something? If you need to know ask her. It's no dark secret these days not to be part of a nuclear family - those of us who are not are not ashamed of it! Just treat her like any other person for goodness sake.

When I was first a single parent, it was difficult for others to talk to me about it. I certainly didn't know (being a single mum for the first, shocking time of my life) how to talk to other single mums.
It isn't always easy Wild, so sometimes we have to ask those we "trust" how to do things we are not used to, which seem "everyday" things to others.
Some of us are just darn nosey too!! but really we just want to make sure we are PC about things and not upset anyone.
Curiosity perhaps?
isn't that how we all learn?

Why do you need to know, Easy? Surely the best thing you can do in this situation is wait until she tells you, if she wants you to know then she will let you know. I'm sure no-one would take offence if you used the wrong name - it probably won't be the first time anyones done it to her. And you probably won't need to call her "Miss" or "Mrs" anything, most people use their first names when they're talking to people at the school gates. I'm not being funny or confrontational, don't take this the wrong way but really it doesn't have much to do with anyone else.

Easy, I'm glad you asked for advice because you are clearly very curious and have been restrained so far. I agree that you should not ask any nosy questions, if you want her to become your friend. Also, don't assume that surnames provide any information about the nature of her relationship with the child's father. I know lots of married women who keep their maiden name for professional use (but husband and child have same surname) and I also know single mothers whose children have been given the mother's surname (ie mother and child share the same surname). I get quite offended when new acquaintances seem to be looking for a juicy dramatic story from me about how my relationship ended; on the other hand, sometimes it becomes relevant (eg friend is inviting me to a party and asks if there is anyone whom I would like to bring) and I don't mind disclosing what is necessary. What I hate is the question, "Does he see his father, then?" which comes with a whole load of assumptions, stereotypes and criticisms from a new acquaintance, which I am not really interested in hearing. Please hold off and if you become close friends no doubt all will be revealed and you too will want to discuss your private life with her.