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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tips for getting over a cheating b*stard

28 replies

Motheroftwofeline · 11/07/2020 22:03

Oldest story in the world, I was unwittingly the OW, he swore it was over with his wife and that they were in the process of selling the house and sorting out custody of their child. As time as has past I’ve realised I was misled and they are very much still together. I’ve honestly never had such a connection with somebody though and it’s been a year.

I’ve told him I never want to hear from him again and have blocked him on all channels. But my heart hurts. How do I get over this?? All advice needed for moving on and healing.

OP posts:
cripspacket · 12/07/2020 18:37

I've been in the same situation as you since my divorce about 4 years ago. I totally fell for a man who insisted it was over with his wife. He even suggested that the wife had known about previous women he had seen and was not bothered.
I was wrong! He got caught out by leaving a dinner receipt in his coat pocket and guess what? That dinner wasn't even with me! It was with another woman!!!
I guess there are two positives to this story. One, I have learnt a lesson and two, he seems to be making headway with his marriage and has gone to counselling , has started wearing his wedding ring again and has not made any attempt to contact me. I hope that means that he is being true to his word and making his wife happy again.

SoulofanAggron · 12/07/2020 18:51

When we met his marriage was already over and his child had been told he was finding a new home. That’s what I was told anyway and we had such an intense connection I had no reason to believe it was anything other than practicalities to be handled sensitively.

Yes, that's what you were told. He lied and lovebombed you.

Thanks for making me feel more stupid.

There's no need to feel stupid. I understand some women do, but you realized what he was like and ended it. You did the right thing. Be proud of yourself. This was a mistake (not entirely your fault, as you were taken in) but not one you'll make again.

He even suggested that the wife had known about previous women he had seen and was not bothered.

@cripspacket Yes, 'mine' had told that lie to some women, too. To me he said he didn't tell her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings- and he somehow made that sound like a good thing!

That dinner wasn't even with me! It was with another woman!!!

I think they usually are serial/multiple cheaters.

I guess there are two positives to this story. One, I have learnt a lesson and two, he seems to be making headway with his marriage and has gone to counselling , has started wearing his wedding ring again and has not made any attempt to contact me. I hope that means that he is being true to his word and making his wife happy again.

We have no way of knowing what he's actually doing. In fact, we can predict what he's secretly doing, based on his past behaviour. He's making a big outward show of commitment to his wife. These guys are good at putting on a show. He maybe hasn't been in touch with you because he realizes you've seen through him. Or he'll be back eventually- but I like to think you won't fall for it again. xx

Yeahnahmum · 13/07/2020 01:21

Tell his wife and move on from this unworthy man

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