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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is it too late to say something?

8 replies

Sassytwentyfour7 · 11/07/2020 21:17

Ex and I saw eachother for 18months. Fantastic time together but I ended it because he changed - lukewarm and started avoiding me. I was so besotted it took me ages (months) to accept his behaviour had changed. He seemed relieved when I ended it, saying that we wanted different things but that we could still be friends since we had had such a great time together and that he really cared for me.
During the course of us keeping in touch everything was more or less driven by me including calling him up to say hello when I was feeling down. Big mistake. He went OTT in telling me how wonderful his life was and how he had fallen desperately in love and was about to get married and have a baby.
In my besotted stupidity I actually apologised for calling him and told him he would be the most amazing family man and that I was really happy for him. I more or less apologised for my existence and then blocked him because I was in shock that he could be so utterly smug and thoughtless.
A week after the call I realised there had been a massive overlap and that he had met her and not had the guts to end it with me. Suddenly all the rejection made sense and I felt like such a stupid fool for having clung on.
Despite blocking, I have not really moved on and want him to know that i know he is not the fantastic guy he thinks he is. i have such a strong urge to email him and tell him how much he hurt me. I can't bear the thought I actually congratulated him on his new relationship and went along with his 'I am such a fantastic guy' narrative.
Will I get closure if I write or will it make me feel worse? Does silence say much more than words ever could? I still feel sick and stupid for being so bloody nice and reasonable when inside I was crying. Btw, this happened about a year ago.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2020 21:20

Let it go. Nothing you say or write would make him give a shit about how you feel. You will not get the satisfaction you're looking for.

Crystalspider · 11/07/2020 21:29

Silenc

ihateyoutube · 11/07/2020 21:30

I agree with PP. I’ve done similar and held on to the regret/anger with myself for too long. Ultimately it’s done but what matters is you, not him. Put it down to experience, learn the lessons (I mean this kindly) and move on with your own life. If it’s any comfort, you would have appeared to be the bigger person by being so generous (even if you didn’t mean it) and you can hold your own head high. Good luck OP.

Crystalspider · 11/07/2020 21:32

Silence says much more! don't let him know how much you care, because there's not much that can be done about it.
If there was an overlap then count your blessings your no longer with a horrible gutless cheat.
Forget him and find some happiness Thanks

MOR19 · 11/07/2020 21:32

Write the letter to get it out of your system but don’t send it and tear it up/burn it.

Anordinarymum · 11/07/2020 21:33

@Sassytwentyfour7

Ex and I saw eachother for 18months. Fantastic time together but I ended it because he changed - lukewarm and started avoiding me. I was so besotted it took me ages (months) to accept his behaviour had changed. He seemed relieved when I ended it, saying that we wanted different things but that we could still be friends since we had had such a great time together and that he really cared for me. During the course of us keeping in touch everything was more or less driven by me including calling him up to say hello when I was feeling down. Big mistake. He went OTT in telling me how wonderful his life was and how he had fallen desperately in love and was about to get married and have a baby. In my besotted stupidity I actually apologised for calling him and told him he would be the most amazing family man and that I was really happy for him. I more or less apologised for my existence and then blocked him because I was in shock that he could be so utterly smug and thoughtless. A week after the call I realised there had been a massive overlap and that he had met her and not had the guts to end it with me. Suddenly all the rejection made sense and I felt like such a stupid fool for having clung on. Despite blocking, I have not really moved on and want him to know that i know he is not the fantastic guy he thinks he is. i have such a strong urge to email him and tell him how much he hurt me. I can't bear the thought I actually congratulated him on his new relationship and went along with his 'I am such a fantastic guy' narrative. Will I get closure if I write or will it make me feel worse? Does silence say much more than words ever could? I still feel sick and stupid for being so bloody nice and reasonable when inside I was crying. Btw, this happened about a year ago.
You ended it with dignity which is more than he showed. Be proud of yourself and move on knowing you have been the better person here.
VaggieMight · 11/07/2020 21:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Vik81 · 11/07/2020 21:41

The best closure you can have is to move on. Find someone who deserves you and have fun looking. There is no communication you could have with him that would result positively.

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