Could you give me examples of how he tried to make you think left is right, up is down?

[SoulofanAggron]

I started more therapy.

Part of what I seem to be needing to do is trust that my own view of the world is not wrong, get an authoritative stamp of 'no that's not right' about some of the things he said, as at the moment a lot of it is 'that's not right, is it?'

While I still have that 'is it?' then it's still going round in my head.

So yesterday was my first session with the counsellor over Zoom. Already there were one or two things I think where she was able to tell me that what he said wasn't right.

It wasn't even 'just' lies about himself or the relationship, he lied about how the world was.

Would be interested to hear your experiences.

I mean

Me and my ex husband used to have discussions about our plans, make a decision as to what ķto do, and because he worked more than me, I'd be the one to get things rolling (I know!!!).

I got our house sale ready and put it on the market three times, only to take it off again.

The fourth was after I called it a day.

The last bit of gaslighting he did was when we agreed the finances until the house sold. I didn't even bring it up. He made suggestions, I agreed to them, then about two weeks later he said, "but can't you see that doing that isn't right, why would you think it was?"

I had so much brain fog because of the gaslighting that I couldn't think straight.

@SixesAndEights Grrr.

I had so much brain fog because of the gaslighting that I couldn't think straight.

Yes, I feel I've come down to earth a bit after therapy yesterday. For months after getting rid of him I've had a weirdly high feeling which wasn't 100% unpleasant but was probably kind of flakey.

I was gaslighted onto leaving all the money behind because I felt guilty I broke up the family, which he has now spent

6 years after we have split up and he can't help himself. He has just done a funny one actually. Sent me a message 'What time do you want to do handover?' Me: We are in so you can collect the DC's at the normal time. Him: 'I am going for a long run and I have no idea how long it will take me so I might let you know when I've finished' Me: Whatever.

I just grey rock him now because honestly, the man only hurts himself in his pursuit of control.

But the worst example of mind fuckery, after he broke my skull my smashing my head into a shoe rack:

'You got raped when you were 11 (by a family member) because you force people who love you to hurt you. It's something inside you.'

It was my fault he fractured my skull of course.

@Werk

I am not sure if this is the same thing but if I ever express an opinion it is like he has to have the opposite one - like he cannot bring himself to agree with me. He is very good at debating and belittles me, makes me feel stupid and sometimes, in the end, he comes round to my point but makes it out that it was his opinion in the first place - if that makes sense? Or he tells me what I am thinking - during lockdown he kept telling me that I was stressed, annoyed with him etc etc. I don't think I actually was but he kept telling me that is how I felt so it almost became true?

I am so glad that somebody else has experienced this and that I'm not going crazy. My BF does this about everything. Eg...If I said it was a cloudy day he would say, Really? It's not. The sun is trying to break through. He literally does it about every single thing. I don't want a nodding dog to agree with everything I say but this is just not "normal" behaviour

Ex-boyfriend was the king of this. When I was in hospital having an operation, he took the keys to my workshop out of my handbag (he was driving my car that day) and took something expensive and brand new without my permission (I had told him it wasn't to be used as bought for a particular job in my home, and he had a poor track record of looking after others belongings). I was seriously ill after the operation, and that led to all sorts of testing for cancer, bone disease and genetic illness. I was also looking after an elderly parent with cancer treatment/ surgery at the time. I was under terrible stress, and discovered I had a rare incurable bone disease which was a lot to process as it has been life changing. He knew I wasn't checking my workshop so helped himself to loads of stuff (I assume he got the key copied) and thought I would not notice as it was small items. In hindsight, he must have been selling this stuff online. I did go in the workshop and rang him to ask where my stuff was. He denied he had my equipment, denied I ever bought this stuff...I must have been confused due to my medication (opiate pain relief). He said I was getting so poorly that I should pay him as a carer since I couldn't expect him to run errands for me for nothing. I should hand over money to him as a wage since I clearly wasn't 100% there anymore, and needed someone around to check on me. I needed him to move in (rent free) and pay for his bills in return for being looked after...as you have to make sure you take the right pills at the right time, with you being confused and all...I could not believe what I was hearing!

I told him my son saw my stuff in his vehicle and he changed tune right away...'Oh that thing and that thing...oh I did not know you were looking for that' he said sweetly, before bringing it back 15 minutes later. I took my stuff and promptly dumped him for being a greedy grabber with no morals. Lesson learned. Trust no-one unless they earn your trust.