Should I tell his mom?

[Bzlgirl]

So I’m just gonna give the short version of the story... I was dating a guy. Got pregnant, I told him and he ghosted me just like that. I tried to contact him but still being ghosted. I’m pro life and I’m actually excited about this pregnancy regardless of his attitude. I plan on following with dna paternity test and child support right after birth so I can get help.I am soon finding out the gender and I met his family once and his mom “seems” to be a nice lady. So does his dad. I have no family here in the US and at this point no one to even be with me in the delivery roo. I was thinking if I should tell his mom. Probably right after finding out the gender and checking on the baby through the ultrasound . I’m a mom already and I try to think what I would want and for some reason I feel like telling her and also say that I’d be really happy if he could be present in this kid’s life is what I would want in her position.

Bide your time and see how this all plays out for a while. She may be this man's mother, but she is not responsible for his behaviour, and when push comes to shove, she will in all likelihood stick up for her son. There is no reason to contact her now.

I would hold back it is up to him to face his responsibilities. I can’t see what difference it will make apart from causing a lot of trouble that could well alienate him more. Not sure I would want in my life after this anyway.

In my opinion pro life means making sure you don't get pregnant unless both of you want a baby.

In my opinion pro life means making sure you don't get pregnant unless both of you want a baby.

I would not contact her. It's not her responsibility.

Only contact her if you have no expectations.
I would want to know if I had a grandchild, but she may get defensive if she thinks you're looking to have her talk her son round or looking for money. (I'm not saying you are but she could see it that way).

I'd contact her to let her know she is going to be a grandmother but do it in a way that is clear to both sides that you dont expect anything from her. Her son has left and isnt stepping up to responsibility, this isnt her fault. Just let her know and then if she wants a relationship with her grandchild regardless of her son the ball is in her court.

He may not want to be a dad, but she may want to be a grandma. Let her know but don't be upset if she doesn't. Congrats.

I’d let her know a bit further along in the pregnancy to give him time to process it and tell her if he wants. I’m not sure if it’s 20 week that you find out the gender in the US but that seems about right.
Manage your expectations in case she wants no involvement but I think it’s worth telling her as she may want to be involved even if he doesn’t and an extra person to love a child is not bad thing.

I depends what your real motives are for telling his family...are you hoping they will persuade him to change his mind?

Are you looking for another way to connect with the baby's father? You keep pointing out you have no support around you and seem really keen to involve his family straight away. It must be really hard to go through this without your own people around you.

And surely it's up to him whether he tells his parents or not. It's not really up to you to involve them.

Thank you

I wouldn't risk having a woman you don't know involved in your baby's life. If he doesn't want to get involved then I'd leave them to it. Make sure he pays child maintenance if you're entitled to it otherwise leave it alone.

@HollowTalk wow what a helpful comment to a struggling single mum looking for support.