What would you do

[xAJMx]

Quite a long one but stay with me as I need help

I’ve been with my boyfriend just over 10years and obviously at the beginning as lovers do your at it all the time (sorry yes this is where the convo is going)

As the years went on we started having it rarely and I mean to a point like twice a year

Over 4 years ago I actually ended up leaving the relationship because of this as it was making me so unhappy and I couldn’t go on with out the sex or affections or romance

I ended up getting back with him a week later and I actually fell pregnant not long after and now our son is 3years old

And we’re back to the twice a year sex situation

To give abit more info I have approached the subject so many time’s and he just says he doesn’t know why he just doesn’t want to or feel like it and I’ve tried the dressing up etc but I can’t take any more rejection lol

May I add he is the most amazing boyfriend in every other way he couldn’t do enough for me and our son he truely puts us first and I know he loves me dearly

But I’m going back down that route where I just need some affection romance passion and can’t help but feel if it’s gone on this long it isn’t every going to change

But I fear giving up someone that does so much for me for my need for passion isn’t the right thing to do!

I really do love him but I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life feeling like this

It may seem minor it’s just sex compared to the life we’ve built together but when you truely have no other passion in our life’s it plays on my mind a lot

What are you giving up exactly if you walk away from him?.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours is he meeting here?. Are you merely with him now out of habit, pity, a fear of being alone or because of your son?. None of these reasons are reasons to stay with him.

Do not let the sunken costs fallacy here cloud your judgment; you forget here that the damage has already been done. Your mistake after leaving was actually going back to him and a mere week later; did he wear you down, look at you with sad eyes and or promise you that he would change?. He has not changed an iota since that time and has indeed reverted to type. If he is as nice as you say he is then you can be good co-parents together to your son.

Love is not enough in these situations and he certainly owes you the truth as to why sex is only happening twice a year. A sexless relationship is utter shit and no you should not have to put up with it because your resentment towards him will surely build. There are reasons why he does not want sex with you and he has not as yet told you why. If you cannot readily if at all talk to him about the lack of sex then the relationship too has real problems.

I doubt very much its anything at all to do with you as a person in your own right. This is all on him.

I couldn't live with that and I dont think it's a petty reason to end a relationship.

Any chance you could access some counselling to help you make the decision on your best next step? Basically, you need to get clear on what you want, what you'd be losing, etc

@AttilaTheMeerkat your right he did promise me things would change and his said it every time I raised it, honestly the only thing I’m getting out of this relationship right now is security the more I think about that question the harder I find it to answer it

@rvby I know it’s the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make As I’ll be breaking up a family unit and it’s been on my mind for years which is why I think it may be time

so you have a great relationship in every other way but am thinking of giving it up just because you don't have a great sex life?

you may end up very unhappy... good sex is far easier to find than a good relationship so be very cautious.

is there a medical reason why for his low libido...? does he drink to excess? stressed at work? smoke too much weed? is he shagging the neighbour...?

a bloke who doesn't want sex is rare so there is probably a reason... take him to the GP....

and in the meantime get yourself a vibrator... you younger ladies don't realise that the best orgasms are when you are on your own... you cannot rely on a mere male for good sex... take control of it...

@CyberNan thank you for you comments and the giggle 🤣

when you put it like that it makes me sound silly doesn’t it Near throwing something like this away he honestly looks after us so wel does his hit round the house and with our son

And it is purely the sex situation that’s getting to me

Honestly everytime I’ve approached the subject he says he doesn’t know why he doesn’t want it 🤷🏻‍♀️

One of the conversations we had he said he’d go to the doctors but obviously never did maybe I need to give it another push

good sex is far easier to find
Christ, seriously. Where!!!! Where!!!!!!!!!???

Leaving somebody is hard for a short while. It is the way we are wired. Change is risky.

But that's it. "A while" passes!!

You've been compromising yrsl in this relationship for years and it doesnt feel right. You know it's not right.

You cant be happy when you are colluding in the compromise of your own standards.

Leave him. A while passes. You process, adapt.
Happiness follows.

@xAJMx These are very reliable www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/magic-wand-vibrators/

I get that it's not the same, but as a PP said, the older you get the less men's abilities can be relied upon, anyway.

Does your OH help you out at all? Like, even if he doesn't feel the need himself he could lend a hand or something?

Are you 100% sure he’s not either:

• having sex elsewhere?
• using porn instead?

To be honest he doesn’t really go out that much he goes to work and comes home straight away I honestly don’t think he has the time (unless it’s during work hours)

He might watch porn but then so do I so I don’t see why that would make much dif to our sec life