DH migraines and a newborn

[Shefliesonherownwings]

This is kind of random but is really bothering me so i'm wondering if anyone has dealt with similar and can offer views.

DH has suffered with migraines since he was a child. He's had various tests and treatments and nothing has really helped him manage them. He has found with painkillers that he tends to get rebound headaches so tries to manage without. They vary in frequency and intensity but usually they come on quickly and he has to take himself off to bed, be in a dark quiet room and just battle through.

8 months ago DH and I both suffered pretty severe trauma. He has recently been assessed as having acute PTSD and has just started treatment. He is off sick from work as a result. The past 8 months have been very difficult and as a result his migraines have become more frequent as we know stress is a factor.

Last night DH had the worst migraine he has had for a while. He was literally writhing around in agony for hours. It came on really quickly as we went to bed. It was so heartbreaking to watch him suffer. I sat up with him, brought him ice packs and anything else and just kind of held his hand or rubbed his back. In the end I went down to sleep on the sofa at about 4am as I was knackered.

Here is my issue (finally!). I am currently 22 weeks pregnant. I'm starting to get really anxious about how we (or I) manage his migraines with a newborn. We don't currently have a spare bed although we intend to get one for the small bedroom, the second bedroom will be the nursery. But I am worried that when the baby is here and in our room and DH has a migraine, we are going to have to find a way of DH being able to go to a quiet dark room and me being able to look after the baby properly. Do I just say to DH that if he feels a migraine coming on, he needs to take himself off to the spare room to wait it out so that he doesn't disturb the baby and vice versa? I'm sure he would do that no problem but it feels so mean to say that to someone in agony. On the other hand, whilst the baby is still in with us, do I just go in the spare room with the baby, meaning moving the crib and other bits? Once the baby is in their own room, it won't be such an issue, I am really just concerned about what to do in the first six months or so.

I appreciate this probably sounds like a really stupid and irrelvant problem, just get DH to move rooms i'm sure you'd all say which does make sense but he was so bad last night, he literally could not move. Also, since we experienced this trauma my anxiety levels are super high and I find myself really over thinking and worrying about things that may not be a big deal, I have a real need to plan things out in detail as a sort of control mechanism now. I'm sure we will be able to find a way through when it comes down to it but I really just wondered if there was anyone with experience of similar who has some suggestions. Also if anyone has a cure that would be great!

Magnesium, Vitamin D, CoQ10 and Omega 3's are all helpful to prevent migraine.

What painkillers does he use?

Not all triptans are the same - I found switching made the migraine go quicker, with less hangover, and less risk of rebound - but with migraine, sadly you do have to limit your use to 2 a week or you can make your migraine worse. Sometimes you just do have to ride it out.

If he isn't using triptans - he should be!

If he gets them that often he should be on a preventative treatment. There are many many options and things have changed a lot since he was a child. There will be something out there that suits him.

Finally you may have to go outside the NHS for this if you are in a hurry. My career was in crisis due to my migraine, I didn't have the time to wait so I saw a specialist - best money I ever spent.

Sorry about your trauma and congratulations on your pregnancy

Just to add that I think working together to come up with a proactive plan is a good one. Not exactly the same but my DH suffers from epilepsy and I’m 35 weeks. His seizures are well controlled but he can feel them coming on with aura and has to actively push them back, something that’s much harder to do when sleep deprived. At his last consultant check up he mentioned the pregnancy and as a precautionary measure they’ve tweaked his medication as it’s just a fact of life that he and I will be getting less sleep once baby arrives. Talking to his consultant when he did meant he’s been able to graduate up his dosage pre baby’s arrival which has been helpful too.

Basically I agree with you that you can help him prepare and by suggesting the spare room ‘near’ you’ll be helping, but I think you need a proper ‘right, we’re a team, how are we going to handle this’ conversation. Tbh from what other new parents have told me, thinking like a team under siege is the only way to get through the newborn stage without going utterly mad, migraines or no migraines!

• ‘nest’ - not ‘near’