Need advice

[MaggieA17]

I know I’m in the wrong and I just need advice not horrible comments. So for the last 7 months I have been messaging a work colleague. We have been having an affair but not full blown affair. We are both married. His wife found out at the weekend and now he’s (probably wife) deleted all social media. His wife knows we work together. I have no way of contacting him and at work he is ignoring me. I have tried to ask him what happened but just says he can’t talk now. It’s really hard at work because not much time to speak to him and always others around. Should I leave it and just ignore him back. But I need answers to what’s happened etc. I have thought about writing some stuff down as he would have to read it if that’s the only way he can see what I’m going through. I know he cares about me as he’s always looking at me but know he wants to be with his wife. Maybe he just needs time. Please give me advice I’m going through hell.

[MaggieA17]

I am not pursuing him. I have asked to speak with him once in a week so I hardly think that is embarrassing myself. I know I’m in the wrong and I am sorry I really am but I came here for advice not horrible comments. The only reason I want answers so we can both move on as he’s told me nothing. I don’t know what his wife knows. We have to work quite close together and people will notice if we aren’t talking. Anyway thanks for any kind advice people did say.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

You might eventually get the answers
But as he has probably promised his wife to cut it off , and go no contact you can probably understand why he can’t speak to you ? I appreciate right know you feel shit , but in time you won’t

[Dontletitbeyou]

All that matters is that he has chosen to cut contact with you , most likely because his wife has found out . He obviously wants to work on his relationship with her , and he can’t do that if he’s continuing in the same way he has before .
His reluctance to talk is a clear message that as far as he concerned , any possible relationship between you two has come to an end . I’d let him work at trying to rebuild his marriage and just give him space . You may have to work together , you can still be polite and professional, just leave the emotional stuff out of it

[Mintypylonsfryingsurplus]

I know you came on here for kind advice, but you must be prepared for harsh words too.
You must have realised by having an affair someone would get hurt. Now coming on here asking for only kind answers to not get hurt by the responses.
You may never get answers and the closure you want.
He is blanking you now so maybe take that as your closure, he has shown you his true character by discarding you, so be polite civil and professional at work.
Its always a loss when any relationship ends whatever the circumstances, but use this to review your life.
If you want to be single go ahead and do this, be honest with your DH. The affair partners wife may well tell your DH so have that conversation with him if you can.
If you choose to become single make a point of having relationships with other single men. Affairs always hurt someone.
If your DH had done this to you and you were besotted with him how would you feel.
Without sounding patronising we do live in a society with consequences.

[anotherdisaster]

Hi OP, I don't think you want to talk to him for answers because you pretty much have them already. His wife found out. You want to talk to him to see if there is still a chance with you both. Be honest with yourself. You don't want things to be over. Sadly, his behaviour towards you is his way of telling you it is over. I suspect his wife has told him not to have any contact with you at all so he has clearly chosen to work things out with her.
This wasn't a real relationship so you can't really demand 'closure'.

[PebblesE]

As someone who has had to ask dh to cut all ties and never speak to ow again, you really need to realise that his wife has probably asked this of him and stop thinking about yourself.