He never wants sex

[fedupasalways]

Seen a thread and it's got me thinking.
My partner never wants sex. We're late 20's and if by the off chance we actually do have sex it's always me initiating it.
It's not just sex, he never holds my hand, never kisses me but when we do actually have sex he tries to be passionate.
We've been together 10 years and one young DC.
He has been this way since about a year of dating. Relationship is pretty much over anyway on my end but that's a whole different thread.
I'm just fed up of it and completely disconnected myself from him. I know this is probably not an issue for someone else but I wondered if anyone else has been in this situation?

I was in your situation and I left him(3years ago) after 10years together. Best thing I ever did!
We are on good terms now and the kids have adapted well, took my eldest a while but everyone is happier all round now.

Glad everything turned out good for you.
It sounds ridiculous leaving someone over it but of course there are other reasons but I just can't deal with it anymore on top of other things

Do you think you can work things out ?

I'm. I'm exactly the same position, I posted a thread the other day.

The extent of my physical connection with my partner is a peck on my forehead every night. Totally totally depressing. Makes you feel so empty and unwanted. I haven't decided what to do because I have 2 young kids, but I hear you!

Thank you!
No I don't think I want to in all honesty. I'm drained and it's taken too much out of me over the years. I have always said that I wouldn't cheat on someone but when you have thoughts about actually cheating just to get some affection I know it's time to leave.

Time to get out of the relationship and find some happiness elsewhere. Life is far too short and you're far too young to be unhappy.

It's not normal for a guy at that age to have no sexual urges. Generally there is a physical need for release - if your DP is not getting that with you it is likely he is getting it in another way, masturbation being the most likely.

That's were I was @fedupasalways I was thinking about other guys and talking to some online. I totally didn't want to cheat on my partner so I decided it was time to end it. He wanted to stay together to keep our family together but I was adamant I had to think of my own happiness.... In a way to talk me round he introduced me to a porn site he had "just signed up to" and said we could use it together but there was no way I wanted to keep trying to save the relationship after all those years and then discovering he actually did have a sex drive but it was based around porn and not me.

I was in that position. Turned out he had a porn and webcam addiction then affairs.

Leave leave leave. I stuck a sexless relationship for decades for the sake of the DC plus I was a coward. He was a Lovely DP in many ways but omg the damage it did to a) our relationship b) my self esteem c) the DC growing up seeing their parents not showing natural affection and closeness. It's an absolute destroyer of joy. You'll very probably have a much better relationship as co parents apart than as partners.

I'm the same as HMSophie !

Mostly likely this is due to differing sex drives, (so I would not listen to those with horror stories of infidelity, atleast until there are more signs)
As such this is not his or your fault, so one should be seen to be blamed.
I assume you have talked to him about it, but I suggest you do again and make him understand the impact it is having on you and the likely results it will have on your relationship.
It is difficult as if everything else is good it can be hard to make the break. That said this will only continue o be destructive so I think for your own MH you may need to end the relationship.

Mine wasn't a horror story. For years there were no more signs. OP said the relationship was pretty much done in her view anyway. It is unusual for a healthy man's sex drive to be so low so it is a fair assumption that something else could going on.

I disagree that men rarely have a low sex drive. Lots of men do. It's a cliche that all men are horny at the drop of a hat. Men can be and are asexual.

I disagree that men rarely have a low sex drive. Lots of men do. It's a cliche that all men are horny at the drop of a hat. Men can be and are asexual.

I don't disagree that men can be asexual but I would argue the 1-2% estimate of that still makes it unusual.

Did you discuss this probably when it first started? What did your partner say?

End it now. There's no point in dragging it out any further. You're not going to be able to fix it when you only had 1 year where you had some proper intimacy and then 9 years when you didn't.

I don't think there's a bad guy in this situation though and as a pp said, no one should be blamed!