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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've a secret, ridiculous crush ...

11 replies

RealityBased · 08/07/2020 18:57

... also, I'm a grown-arse executive in my thirties and neither naive enough to buy into the Cinderella narrative nor invested enough to throw a successful career over board.

He's not, technically, even my type. I like my men tall, dark and handsome as well as intelligent. He's most definitely intelligent. And, I'd argue, handsome - but then I've a stupid crush on him so, of course I'd think so!

No particular reason why: we've worked together for a number of years. I've always liked him for his pragmatic stance on things - and that was it. Then, after a few months of forcible isolation from all colleagues, we went for lunch.

At which point my brain went into "OMFG, I love you, though!" mode. I genuinely think this is just human psychology playing tricks on me and that I never would have seen him in THAT way had he not, quite accidentally, become a stand-in for "human, male, alive and bothered enough to come see you in person".

Still, I haven't been able to sleep for the last three days thinking about him. He's not available. Neither am I. One of us would lose a job. It's definitely not on. I just really want it to be.

Someone PLEASE, pretty please talk some sense into me.

OP posts:
JemimaPyjamas · 08/07/2020 18:59

As it's unlikely that anything would come of it, from both your perspectives, I say enjoy it! Sometimes a bit of fantasising and daydreaming can be great!

RealityBased · 08/07/2020 19:05

Arguably a good point. To be fair, there is something slightly exciting about feeling toughly 17 all over again.

But, also, have I mentioned that I'm a grown-arse, fully functioning adult and consider myself above that sort of thing? Grin

I keep on telling myself to just snap out of it ... so far with very limited success.

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RealityBased · 08/07/2020 19:06

*roughly ...

I'm factor 10 tougher than I was as a teen. Still not all that tough now. Wink

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Crystalspider · 08/07/2020 19:32

If you're both single? Then work your charms on him. He might feel the same

RealityBased · 08/07/2020 19:45

Neither of us is single. Also he's ... a little my direct superior, sort-of-ish! Blush

Also, he's just called and asked for another lunch next week.

In a nutshell: yes, this is a mutual situation (or, at the very least I strongly suspect so). Neither of us is willing to take the risk because both of us love our careers more than we might be thinking we do one another.

He's still great and I still do have a serious school girl crush, though.

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Crystalspider · 08/07/2020 19:48

Oh well, back to fantasy land then

RealityBased · 08/07/2020 19:55

Fantasy land sounds fabulous!

Can I snig him, shag him, marry him, have shittons of babies by him (this being Fantasy Land my idea of this involves no sleepless nights, no saggy boobs and most definitely no impact on libido) and live happily ever after with him in Fantasy Land?

Meanwhile, back in Reality Land, the plan is to get the fuck over myself and most definitely not fuck up my career because both my boss and I are a tad emotionally fragile after months of dealing with a global pandemic.

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ChiaraRimini · 08/07/2020 19:58

Let me be the one to give you a shake OP.
You already know you need one- you've worked out yourself this is post-lockdown horn.
You are both already spoken for. Don't go for the lunch next week. The excitement and ego boost won't be worth the pain if you fall for him. Then you'll be back here looking for advice on how to deal with the fallout.

AriettyHomily · 08/07/2020 20:09

Oh god op I could have written exactly this. It's utterly ridiculous and I really need to get over myself, pronto!!

RealityBased · 08/07/2020 20:10

@RealityBased

Thanks!

And, yes, you're spot on. I'm not only perfectly aware, I also know precisely what the implications of actually going there would be ... for both of us.

In a nutshell: he, being male and more senior, would be "asked to tender his resignation". I, being female and more junior, would live to see another day, career-wise, but would do so forever under the cloud of "everyone knows she slept her way to the top".

We'd both be forever tainted. Regardless of consent. Regardless of how far either of us had made it before "the incident". I wouldn't want that for either of us. Or for either of our partners.

"Post lockdown horn", I guess, hits the nail on the head ...

... still going for lunch, mind. Just because declining on your boss on the grounds of "possibly awkward" would amount to a tacit admission of ... je ne sais quoi. Not going there.

He's still ravishing, though. I'll get over myself.

OP posts:
RealityBased · 08/07/2020 20:26

Sorry, that was meant be @ChiaraRimini

Freudian much? Grin

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