What was your last straw that made you leave?

[Ivebeenthinkingtoomuch]

I’ve posted before about my DH possible being EA but I think I’ve reached the end of my tether.
After this morning he moaned at me about money and me taking advantage of him over the food shop money, I’ve found out he’s taken out a loan and bought himself some frivolous stuff and not even mentioned it let alone discussed it with me!!
I’m done with being mugged off!! Being made to feel like I was the bad one but he does that?
This really is the last straw, he does what he wants and I’m supposed to just accept it and take it?
What a shit show 😔

He got drunk at my niece's christening, in front of my whole family and told my brother that he thought our DS wasn't his, and he (ex) ought to get a dna test.

I had to step between them before my brother punched him.

Next day when he sobered up, I reminded him what he had said and he replied that he hadn't meant it, it was just a joke and we were all being over-sensitive and ridiculous.

It was the last straw on a three year old haystack .

When are you leaving?

Him reducing me to near hysteria and begging him to stop after verbally abusing me for hours..and then telling me I was a "psycho" and had only got upset because I couldn't handle the truth. ( which was him going wild as I'd had a random call from a colleague aka proof of cheating to him)And that I should be ashamed of myself, as" the kids were upstairs " . Also that I was too stubborn and enlightened to see how he was just trying to help me. I pity his next gf.

Mine was when my abusive ex started emotionally abusing our dd. Yelled at her that he would slap her if she didn't stop moving.. he was changing her nappy and she was 3 months, I left the next day when he was at work.

He didn't want my grandchildren in his house. My grandchildren are not his grandchildren, and the house is 60% his, 40% to me.
I have tried my best with a grumpy old man, nothing left to give.

Le fin.

Coming home from a busy day at work and finding him still unwashed, undressed, on his regular day off having done fuck all apart from be on his laptop, not even had a drink since I'd made coffee first thing, not offering me a cup of tea but wanting one as I was making one and realising in a flash

that was what retirement was going to be like.

This on top of many years of increasingly difficult behaviour. I moved out within weeks of that revelation!

I found a massive pile of bills hidden in the cupboard under the stairs, some of the letters were threatening bailiffs, one of them was the CSA hounding him for money for a 17 year old he had and always run away from, he smoked weed all the time and was just an emotionally manipulative arsehole.

Exh let me take a second job while he worked part time, no support at all

Years of emotional, financial and occasional physical abuse, final nail in the coffin was being accused of having an affair with another woman from work, because she came to the house when I was off sick to drop something off from work. She left, I phoned her and asked her to turn around come back and pick me up. Never went back

The day I knew the marriage wouldn't last was the day I found some porn that implied it involved children (the police took his laptop and it wasn't child porn - but still grim.) A year later I found a bill for tens of thousands of pounds for more of this porn. I started my exit plan that day. I booked my removal van the day I found out he regularly used cocaine in my house. There was LOTS of verbal abuse and black eyes and lies in the meantime.

Don't accept it
It won't change
Double standarrds - having a go at you over the food shop, but loaning himself for frivolity. No.
I left dh after 15 years of on and off EA, was there a last straw, probably not, but looking back at the damage done by all the shit things he did to me, and how these changed how I felt towards him and about him forever, and the realisation that if I was going to be in a relationship it would be a loving equal and respectful one.

Why are they like this?
Been EA over the years but for the sake of the kids and him begging me to stay, I stayed. But to moan at me for going £10 over the budget and then for him to hide that is just too much. He hasn’t mentioned it still and I doubt he plans too but I need to learn to control my money because I can’t be trusted apparently? It’s a joke!!
I’m sorry you all went through what you did 😔 I hope you’re all happier now xx

A combination of things : Car door slammed in face for buying the wrong fuel in a Jerry can , telling me I’d always be treading water in life, saying I was over sensitive about everything, the POV porn on phone and every evening spent out in the shed away from me, the rants about nothing, the put downs infront of friends and family , telling me that I was a fckin wannabe just for Speaking to friends At a festival ( on our anniversary!!) the list could go on .
But the straw that broke the camels back were two things ; realising that I’d started using a code word on phone and text with my mum for when things got bad and The other was when Telling my best friend I didn’t want to leave because The house was so lovely and and she replied ‘ A gilded cage is still a cage’ .
Good luck OP and don’t stand for it a minute longer. I took 4 years to get out . He now has a new girlfriend who is says ‘ is just like me’.
I already feel sorry for what’s to come for her down the line when the mask slips

He yelled at me for putting washing on because ‘the clothes in the washer dryer are already clean and dry’. The fact that he hadn’t considered I had worked that out for myself, and went straight to yelling was the last straw.

My grandma had just died at a good age, and I realised I didn’t want to live like that for the next 50-60 years. Once I’d seen that there was no going back.

ExH - It all changed one day when he verbally abused me for a long time when he was drunk and eventually he went to hit me!
Nothing like that had ever happened before and it was a huge shock.
But my mindset changed massively on that day.
Then about 2 years later he cheated.
That was that.
Turns out all other GF since me have had to endure a lot of abuse. He was just not like that with me apart from that one time.
He's a vile person now and our DD has nothing to do with him anymore and I literally had to rescue her when he physically attacked her.

Ex-P - I was a massive mug. I ignored sooooo many red flags.
Took him back about 5-6 times.
It wasn't until I got an STI I got him gone.
He was a narc of the highest order.
God I hate him.

Do what you need to do OP.
Don't accept double standards.
Be happy in your life.
This is not happiness.

When he told my daughter that I was mentally ill. This was after years and years of him lying, drinking, verbally abusing me. It was the calculated nature of it, because the day before I had taken her to see a Jacqueline Wilson film where the mother is mentally unwell and he heard me explaining to her what it was. And then the next day he told her I was MH. I was already planning on leaving, but this galvanised me.

When I had a medical problem involving lots of pain and me not being able to walk. My 12 year old looked after me and siblings whilst h went to work. H didn't have to, just cba. I thought, my h should be looking after the kids at least (even if he didn't look after me)
I was done. I have no respect for him at all.