Husband

[Summersunandflowers]

I’m not happy in my marriage and just want to see if my expectations are unreasonable.
My husband makes me feel that I am a bad mum and I feel that nothing I do is good enough.
We have been discussing buying a newer car, looked at our finances, put an offer in for a car yesterday. They didn’t except as our offer was too low (fair enough, the car was above our budget). Last night just before we went to sleep we had to transfer money to pay for some things (music lessons etc) regular expenditure. My husband said we can’t afford the car as we are haemorrhaging money. Implying it’s my fault. I have asked him a few times about the tax we owe, whether we had enough...always says yes. Anyway, I left it until this morning (slept badly) and my husband says it’s my fault as I was pressuring him into getting a car. I’m easy either way...our car is old but fine. Really I feel he should have had a better idea about finances...(I know I could do this, keep on top of finances, but I more or less do all the day to day running of the house/kids etc and really don’t want to do everything). He does help around the house/with the kids and in his eyes feels he does his share...I guess I don’t feel appreciated. He works hard (I work too) and I am happy with what he brings, I don’t feel anything I can do will ever be enough. Also, I think he has lights. We always lock the downstairs doors when we go out. Today he twisted the key And it didn’t turn (I had already locked it and heard him turn it). He them said I never locked the door (and often don’t) I’m quite an anxious person and worry about burglary. I’m sure I do! Feel I’m going a bit mad. Anyway, thanks for reading...got to go. Will give a bit more info later

Extra info- during the Covid lockdown the kids had work to do from school (which I supervised while working). Sometimes there would be disagreements between me and one of our children. He always judged me and made me feel terrible. I really tried my best and always say sorry if I get angry. Always try to take responsibility if I make mistakes. It’s hard trying to work and support kids, I could have done with some support/reassurance from my husband. Tried my best and nothing was good enough. I managed to persuade him to do a couple of days supervising the kids work and he argued lots with them!!

Did you pass comment on the fact that when he had to supervise them he had lots of arguments?
May seem juvenile but it would show him how it feels to have your parenting judged.
I would personally try and figure out the finances so i knew for peace of mind where we were, also if he did imply its your fauly you would have facts to back you up.
It seems like youre on the defence alot rather than calling him out on his sh*t, if he has the balls to do it than you should find them too.
Sounds crappy, hope you sort it xx

Did you pass comment on the fact that when he had to supervise them he had lots of arguments?
May seem juvenile but it would show him how it feels to have your parenting judged.

I second this. You need to start pointing things like this out. He’s holding you to a higher standard than he is holding himself. You ARE good enough. You ARE working hard enough. You ARE a good mum. Maybe make him aware that you’re not judging him harshly and unfairly. Don’t let him do that to you. He’s not better than you.

Agree with the above AND it sounds as if your lives are disorganised. Are you both a bit like that, live on the edge a bit?