My bisexual husband

[Itsaboy83]

I need some help. When I met my husband he had such a horrible past with his sex life, said he had tried all sorts with everyone and anyone but then he proposed and we've been married over 10 years. In that time we have never discussed his sexual past at all. He knows it bugs me but recently my mental health has declined and I asked him outright if he is bisexual and he said yes but that he only wants me. I am not sure how to process it. I think I have been running away from this discussion for a long time. We have 4 kids, originally in my head I decided that I would leave if he wasn't straight but now that scenario has played out I just can't bring myself to leave. But I am so confused, I want to accept him but I just don't know how. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I'm drowning in confusion.

I’m a bit confused about why you’re feeling confused. I completely understand why a person may not not want to be in a relationship with a person of a different sexual orientation but you knew when you married him that he’d had sex with men and women, which would normally suggest that he’d been sexually attracted to his previous partners and so would be bi sexual. It sounds like he’s been really open with you. So I don’t really understand why you’re struggling with the concept of it now?

The important thing to remember is that he’s told you that he considers your relationship to be monogamous, so he’s no more likely to go outside the marriage than anyone else. Being bisexual in no way means that someone is less likely to be faithful.

OP I think what you are describing is a kind of visceral response to the notion of your DH being sexually attracted to, and perhaps experienced sex, with other men, rather than saying you have a “problem” with him being bisexual?
I can understand a fear that you wouldn’t be enough (though as pp say, it isn’t necessarily or even likely to be like that for him).
Apologies if I’m putting words in your mouth but is it something like that?

By your original post it seems that he was quite honest about his colorful sexual past. When he said he had sex with allsorts I’m guessing that means men and women?! You accepted this fact 10 years ago. Settled down, got married and had 4 DC. Why is it suddenly a problem? If he hasn’t been unfaithful or lied to you about it then this is your issue to unpick.

What's changed?

This sounds like a distraction from something else? Is it you? Or him? The relationship?

It sounds like you've been obsessed by his sexual past throughout your marriage. I get that as I remember when in my first long term relationships and the man I lost my virginity to, I was upset that he'd slept with one other person. A few decades later and I'm quite happy discussing my boyfriend's sexual past and appreciate it because he is so experienced (plus I've also slept with other people).

I'm not sure how I'd feel if my boyfriend told me he's bisexual but I don't think it would affect our relationship. I am attracted to him, the person and that wouldn't change.

Describing his sexual past as horrible, says more about you than it does about him.

Have you sought help for your declining mh.

What does horrible past mean?

I'm bi, being bi doesn't mean he can't be faithful. Your relationship isn't changed in any way by him being bi, unless may be you have evidence that he's done stuff behind your back.

He's still committed to you and monogamous.

I am a bi sexual woman and have been married and faithful to the same man for 30 years. Bi sexual does not mean likely to cheat.

Hi OP. It does sound like you're thinking bi-sexual = promiscuous. Just because someone is attracted to both men and women doesn't mean they're found around shagging everyone. It's called sexual "past" for a reason. Focus on the present and future which he seems to have made clear is YOU and only you.

Hi,

The whole bisexual = promiscuous trope is tired and biphobic. I’m a bisexual woman married to a man, we have been together for almost ten years and I have no interest in anyone else. I am 100% faithful because sexuality has nothing to do with monogamy.

OP are your feelings bound up with how you feel as a woman? As in, what you think straight men find sexually attractive about women? And if he finds male attributes attractive as well, this somehow diminishes your female qualities?

Zombie thread!!