Regretting a mesher order

[LuckyGem17]

I went through a divorce last year and went to court to sort the finances out. I couldn’t afford to buy my ex husband out of his share of the house which I wanted so I had a home for myself and our son. My solicitor told me to go for a mesher order saying its what the court would recommend anyway. I get minimal child maintenance payments as my ex doesn’t earn much and knowing it would be tight for me cover the mortgage payments and all the bills I stupidly agreed to a mesher order. One year on and I can’t believe how naive I was. I struggle every month to pay all the bills and mortgage. I will never be able to get a mortgage due to my poor credit rating and I’ve never had high paid jobs. My son is primary age so I work part time while he’s at school, I plan to go full time in a few years but will only be on minimum wage. I will end up in a rented house while my exh lives happily in his big house with his new girlfriend. How can the courts do this to women especially when children are involved! All I think about is the day I will have to leave and what I may end up in. The equity will be split 50 50 when it is sold but it won’t be enough to buy a house. Has anyone got a mesher order and got any positive stories? Did anyone who sold the house regret not taking a mesher order? Can I go back to court and ask them to look at it again??

@LuckyGem17 I sympathise.

Is the reason he's living in the nice big new house due to the fact his girlfriend earns a large wage?

Are you sure your ex owns the property with his new girlfriend ?
Perhaps she owns it & he pays some towards the bills

Not sure if this is any help to you at all OP but...I was offered this and walked away and life is better. I accepted I would have to rent and let go of the owning property idea and it’s actually very liberating. Much better to rent a happy home than struggle with a mortgage In a miserable trap. Blew the equity on fab holidays for me and DS instead and of course, it provided a cushion that meant I didn’t have to work for a couple of years! Total bliss. My DS’s father is a very wealthy banker who married OW and they live in a glass city palace with maids, a cinema, a pool in central London and I genuinely don’t give a shit about what they have. My home is happy and lovely. The boiler breaking is not my responsibility. My own front door is something I relish. My son tells me my place is home and he’s comfy and happy here. His dads is luxurious, but every meal is dialled in and it’s pretty sterile. He’s not allowed to leave a mess. He’s 16!!
Seriously, where you are now is not where you will be in 5 years, so don’t worry about what he has and not you. It’s not a loss. Trust me, I’m actually really ill my partner a nightmare - I’ve posted about elsewhere - but my life is my own and I’m free to make choices. I work full time, I buy my own treats, we do alright. DS knows that I’ll not be leaving him a property and doesn’t care. He’s seen his dads wealthy lifestyle and doesn’t rate it and doesn’t aspire to have shit loads of money and no soul...our current car is an ancient skip on wheels that makes us belly laugh whenever we go out in it...
My point is, it’s an adventure. Enjoy the ride. Let go of the property, don’t worry about what the ex is doing and be happy.

Oh and I should say, you’ll probably need a guarantor to rent. Start considering your alternatives but don’t fear them. Look at housing associations etc. too and compare the options. What will give you peace of mind? What would give you and DC a relaxed lifestyle?
And if you really can’t let go of the home you’re in, would a lodger help?
Is there a way you can study part time to improve your employment above minimum wage in the future? Are you being realistic with that or thinking worst case because you feel aggrieved?
You’ll be OK OP. Shift the mindset, it really, really doesn’t matter what the ex is doing as long as he pays his way and has contact with DC. The rest has no bearing on you.

This is an interesting read. I’m possibly going to go down the route of a Mesher order. I can’t afford to buy with my share of the settlement (which is yet to be finalised) and my mortgage capability is small at the moment as I only work part time due to young children. I really didn’t want to sell and rent as I Wouldn’t be entitled to any benefits and would end up spending the equity on rent. My husband works full time, always has and worked on his career. I was kind of in the mindset that anything could happen in the space of 10 years, new money, new job, new man.... but Ideally I want to pay it myself. Perhaps you would end up with a job that meant you could re-mortgage in your name and pay him out?????

The house has to be sold once my son turns 18, the court order didn’t mention education. It gives me time to improve my job possibilities. I think it’s easy to wallow in the pity more than getting back up and doing something about it.

Well it sounds like you are going to have to get up and do something about it. Increase your hours now for a start if you can.
There is a saying that there is many a sip between lip and cup. Who knows what will happen between now and then. Who knows who you may meet. But nothing will happen not doing anything.

@LuckyGem17 I think you have just hit the nail on the head! It's not all perfection at your exes and it's your life - not having a job you enjoy, that pays well isn't how you want to live it. I'm seeing cvs every day (hiring currently) and what struck me is how so many people started on a shop floor etc and whizzed up through the ranks. It's not That they are massively clever or talented. But they tried hard. They got stuck in, we're keen and willing and worked hard. They made themselves valuable to their employers and employers like me love that and want to keep them in the company forever.

They didn't go off and do degrees etc to get ahead. They re skilled as they went and thought about the value they could add.

I will say though if you want well paid avoid traditionally or predominately female roles. And fluffy fun jobs everyone wants to do, And forget about working with your 'passion'. Don't for the love of god do a yoga teacher course or massage therapist course for example. Kept your hobbies but make your money elsewhere.

You have one child, at school, so being a SAHM when you are single and worried about money isn't the right thing to do.