Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Child free

9 replies

RainbowFlowers · 07/07/2020 19:01

My husband and I have a 3.5 year old and 6 week old. I'm on mat leave my husband works full time. He always sees his friends on a Weds night. I started to get jealous of this and resent it. I absolutely want him to have a healthy social life and realised I resent it because I don't have designated child free time. So last week we agreed that Tuesdays would be my child free night.

So here I am hiding in our bedroom trying to make the most of my child free time but I feel guilty about it, typical mum guilt really. But also and probably more so I feel bad on my husband....not really sure why. I am sure he doesn't feel bad when he goes out on his night!!

I think I'm feeling bad about it because previously I'd only have child free time if I had something planned. Like see friends or have errands to do. But I still think its important for me to have this time, I just need my feelings to catch up. Hopefully this will be enjoyable rather than me just feeling bad about it.

Does anyone else have a set up like this? Maybe I have just been petty about wanting a regular child free night.

(I'll report this to be moved to relationships)

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 07/07/2020 19:03

I don't know if I would have done it without something planned, are you just staying in your room? Can you at least get out for a walk / run or something?!

RainbowFlowers · 07/07/2020 19:12

I've got plenty of stuff planned ongoing. Work related stuff that I enjoy. But tonight I just wanted to chill and read. But now obvs I'm getting distracted by my feelings and being on here!

My social life is quite different to his. My closest friends are further away so I normally see them for a weekend. Which is not possible due to lockdown but also I'm not really up for leaving my baby for nights away just yet.

So I was kind of wanting this to tackle my pang of jealousy when my husband plans to see his friends. Rationally I don't have a problem with him going out.

OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 07/07/2020 19:16

Why does OP need to have something “planned” in order to have some “me” time?!

OP- if you want to spend your Tuesday evenings doing nothing at all it’s absolutely fine!!! We all need to reset!! Enjoy the peace and don’t feel guilty! Xx

octobersky19 · 07/07/2020 19:22

You don't need to have plans to have free time, I love an hour after DH gets home from work to have a bath. I don't take an hour to bathe but I lie there reading on my phone (usually mumsnet haha)

Or I watch hollyoaks in peace (my guilty pleasure) nothing planned, just good old peace

Mintjulia · 07/07/2020 19:41

Op, I have a child free weekend occasionally when he has our ds.

I always plan something even if it’s only a long hot soak in a scented bath or get my haircut and my nails done.

willloman · 07/07/2020 19:47

A book is definitely in the something important planned category! But yes it will get easier; keep doing it. Will also give your other half a chance to build a relationship with the children - very important. So, really you're just all round improving family life Smile

Evelefteden · 07/07/2020 19:51

Yes. Even if your sat in a room by yourself by an hour do it. In fact you should try and at least do it once a day. It’s so important for your mental health.

I wild swim every weekend. If I didn’t I’d go bonkers.

RainbowFlowers · 07/07/2020 20:52

@willowman that is such a good point about me enabling my husband to bind with them. That will definitely ease some of the mum guilt.

OP posts:
RainbowFlowers · 07/07/2020 20:55

@willowman that is such a good point about me enabling my husband to bond with them. That will definitely ease some of the mum guilt.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page