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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I cannot stand my family

5 replies

OneOfTheRegulars · 13/10/2004 18:34

Firstly, I have changed my name as I do not want to be recognised by anyone who knows me and my family. I do not like to discuss these type of things, but I could do with some advice.

I have not always got on well with my family. My mum and I tend to get on, but there are a lot of arguements between the two of us. The past few days have been a prime example. I went to the doctors about a month ago, and I was told that I have the first signs of depression again. I was given help, and at the moment, I am feeling myself and have not been suffering so much as I had been. However, the one thing that gets me down is my mum. Everytime I see her, I tend to go into a bad mood. She talks down to me as if I am stupid. She asks things like "have you given her lunch?" "why is in the same clothes as yesterday?"

I have different methods to how I want to bring up my child to how my mum brought me up. I do not mind advice that can actually benefit me, but comments like the above really bug me. I do not let on, but it really does my head in! She commented today about my doctor's appointment that I had and said that I was suppose to go back around this time (they wanted me back a month later just to check on progress) and she said that she thinks I ought to go back as she thinks I am worse than I was back then. She can also see the difference in my dd from when dd is with her to when dd is with me. In other words, dd is always "happy" when she's with my mum, but always "upset" when she is with me. But actually today I spent most of the time singing nursery rhymes and dancing with dd. And dd was in a great mood all day until my mum arrived and then dd threw a tantrum. I just do not think this is the appropriate thing to be saying to me, her own daughter. If I was really doing a crap job as a mum, then I would welcome comments, but she talks to me as if I am stupid like I do not seem to think dd needs to be fed at lunch time.

Also, I do not trust my sister one bit! I do not like the person she has become, and if she wasn't my sister, I would have nothing to do with her. She annoys me, and I would hate to think dd would become anything like her. She gets away with anything and she has such a dodgy lifestyle now. I found out that when I allowed her to stay at mine (which I wasn't happy about, but my mum kept going on about it) to look after dd one night, and she had about 3 of her friends around. I couldn't believe it. She didn't even ask! I'm not saying that her friends would steal any of my stuff, but I don't know these people! Also when she takes dd out, she says she's taking her to one place but takes her somewhere else. I should at least know where my own child is!!

I don't want to offend my family, as I am glad that they are supportive. But they upset me, and I would just say to them how I feel. But I'm sure some of you can understand that you don't always like to offend your family. I am sorry that I have gone on and if I haven't made much sense.

OP posts:
Thunderbird1 · 13/10/2004 18:46

It true what they say in that you can choose your friends but not your family ! Have to tried to explain your feelings to your mum ? She may not honestly realise that she's upsetting you. It sounds as though your sister is not a very responsible person, but again maybe she doesn't think about the consequences of what she's doing or realise that it affects other. have you any other family members you could talk to - maybe they could have a quiet word? Hope it all works out

OneOfTheRegulars · 13/10/2004 19:01

The last time I spoke to my mum about how I felt, it ended in a huge row that lasted for weeks. We do not have family that nearby. I have thought about saying to her about my sister. My mum suggested that my sister looks after dd every other week, but I am just not comfortable. She hasn't said anything about it since, so it hasn't come up. And also yes my sister is not responsible at all! She just thinks of herself.

OP posts:
Tortington · 13/10/2004 19:14

if they upset you so much as to make you clinically depressed. dont see them.

OneOfTheRegulars · 14/10/2004 12:33

Custardo, I wish I could just not see them, but I couldn't physically bring myself to do it. I would feel too guilty, and my dd is my mum's only grandchild.

OP posts:
Angeliz · 14/10/2004 12:47

I think the best thing would be to try and see other people as much as posiible and not actually have time for family that much. (Then it won't look as you'e cutting them off).
As for your sister, just be blunt.
My dd is 3.6 and my sisiter is 33 and has had dd ONCE for an hour. This is for many reasons but mostly because, she hangs around with VERY dodgy people and is not very responsible!!! That's ABSOLUTELY fine, she's footloose and fancyfree but just not around my d.
I know it's hard to be that firm though, especially when you're feeling depressed!

Hope you're feeling better soon and keep us updated!!++++++++++++++++++++++

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