I’m not entirely sure what I’m asking here (hence the crappy title) but I suppose I’m writing in the hope that others can relate and give me their experiences. Perhaps even tell me that my feelings are justified.
I am very close to my mum and sister. We see each other all the time as we all live in close proximity. This has been the case for some years now and we all get on well. However there are times when I feel I don’t particularly like my sister as a person. This in turn causes me great turmoil as I suppose in my eyes you should like your family. I love her and she has lots of really nice qualities. We’re a supportive family and always there for one another but there are times when I just want to do something my way without feeling the guilt of offending anyone or being judged for a decision I make. It’s almost as if there’s a small price to pay for being so close to your family.
I often feel as though I would be happier if I lived slightly further away from them. I have moments of envy for people who don’t live close by to their families because of the drama it can occasionally bring. This instantly makes me feel guilty and like I’m a bad person for even thinking this way. I’m a content, happy person who’s enjoys a simple life. I hate drama, conflict and a bad atmosphere.
I dislike conflict and confrontation and my sister is the opposite. Don’t get me wrong she is generous and fun to be around. She’s fiercely loyal to her family and treats my kids as if they’re her own. But....she’s judgemental and passionate about the things she believes in and is not afraid to voice them. There have been times over the years where she will suddenly ‘blow’ for whatever reason and it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. She has form for this and it’s usually at an inappropriate time or during an event.’I wouldn’t dream of behaving in this way and yet she seems to get away with it time and time again. It’s passed off as “that’s just her” but as far as I’m concerned it’s not acceptable.
She did it at the weekend whilst at my house celebrating my sons birthday. She left abruptly and we haven’t spoken since. I feel sick about it but equally have the same old familiar thoughts of cutting ties (sounds so extreme I know) to save my happiness and anxiety.
I guess what I’m really asking is are these thoughts and feelings normal? The guilt that I carry for feeling this way weighs heavily because my mind is conflicted between what I DO feel and what I think I SHOULD feel.
I actually feel as though I could do with some counselling to process these thoughts and feelings.
Apologies for such a garbled message. I’m trying to make sense of all these thoughts going on in my head.
There is probably pages worth of back story with loads of examples of her behaviour which I dislike but for now if anyone could offer an outside point of view it would be very much appreciated.