I am glad that has brought you some comfort. It can be a scary and overwhelming time. There is a lot of focus on persuading/supporting women to leave, but not enough on supporting them through the aftermath.
I asked about your language because I wondered if you were feeling ashamed or struggling to feel you had the right to call the abuse what it was. Your hesitation is natural after abuse - shame comes with trauma, and there's that element of undoing the way he trained you to behave and removing his voice from your head. You are not "playing the victim" (you are objectively a victim of his abuse, it's a simple fact, and there is no shame in it).
I appreciate it is tough to talk about but if you can use that one word label of "abuse" it can help professionals to help you - it gives them a key to better understanding your needs and responding in the right way. Unfortunately, not everyone will be able to connect the dots in what you're telling them if you don't use that word.
You don't need to feel embarrassed, although I know the feelings won't go away just because I said that - my lasting impression from reading those brief snapshots of your story was of your courage. Leaving abuse is not easy. You are doing something amazing that shows great strength, even if you don't feel strong.
It is good you have been referred for CBT. Counselling is not a recommended treatment for trauma (there is a risk of it preventing the brain from processing properly). My only pause is whether they assessed you for PTSD or if they only assessed for anxiety? It's important to get the right treatment from the right person and for that you need the right assessment. If they don't appreciate you are traumatised they might not approach things in the right way for you.
Freedom Programme is information not therapy, so you can absolutely do it after leaving if you feel ready and want to try it. The aim is to help you make sense of your experiences by learning about the dynamics of abusive vs healthy relationships as well as early warning signs and how abuse affects you. It can give you a model for healthy relationships and covers how children are affected and how they recover.
As you have left the relationship you already know it was abusive, but the course might help you to have more confidence in your own judgement about what happened, to re-establish a sense of what is normal and how you deserve to be treated, and to start developing skills to keep yourself safe and have healthy relationships in future. The knowledge it could give you may also help you feel a little more hopeful about the future.
I imagine covid will prevent the groups from running for a while which is a shame as they can be very supportive, but the online course is there in the interim. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk
I don't want to bombard you with trauma resources, so I have picked 3 that might be useful starting points for you to explore and find things that work for you and make sense to you.
- Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery. It explains how abuse affects people and also what the recovery process looks like. I think it's on Audible now (you could get it with the free trial if you don't have an account).
- David Emerson's Recovering from Trauma through Yoga. It is a shorter, lighter read than the first book, covers some of the same info and has practical things you can try. It's not yoga in the sense of perfect positions, stretches and routines but in the sense of reconnecting with your body and feeling in control again. There is research that suggests that connecting with your body after trauma can start to soothe your nervous system and help with healing. (You could also Google his name and "trauma sensitive yoga" as there is a website with info and some video clips too).
- This is an NHS "psycho-education" booklet on trauma that gives some basic information on what trauma is, how it might be affecting you, and suggests some strategies you can try. My one caveat is that PTSD from prolonged abuse has a bit of a different footprint compared to PTSD from a single incident, so not all of it will necessarily "fit" what you're going through but hopefully some of it might still be helpful and enable you to develop a few strategies. www.selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/merseycare/leaflets/selfhelp/post20traumatic20stress.pdf
I hope at some point you are able to feel proud of yourself for the incredible thing you have done and your courage in building a better future for you and your child. I really do wish you all the best. 