Divorce - did you regret being too nice? **Title edited by MNHQ**

[AnneLovesGilbert]

I think my brother is making a big mistake in his financial settlement. He’s got a lawyer but ignoring their advice and seems to be enjoying a feeling of benevolence coupled with not realising it’s only “amicable” when he does what she wants and the power balance in the marriage has always been weird which is also a factor.

I like his ex, they’ve been together a long time and she’s been a great friend, there’s no great drama in their split, but I’m worried for him and think he’s going to regret being too bloody nice.

I’ve said my piece and he’s an adult so he’ll do what he wants.

If you took a similar approach and took less than you should have in a split, was it a mistake or did it turn out to be the right decision?

Total mistake. We actually did 50:50 although I was entitled to far more. I agreed to the split for an easy life. But actually he made my life a misery anyway so I 100% wish I'd argued for what I was entitled to.

As per Minikievs: I was falling over backwards to be nice and he was a shit, which was the story of our marriage really.

yep same here... he was far more financially savvy than I was and planned ahead to get the money out of our marriage.

I knew this but let it go...

there have been times when I have felt resentment and felt I should have put up more of a fight, but mostly I think it was worth every penny to get rid of him.

Sorry you both have regrets. Would anything anyone said have made a difference?

I'm going through this at the moment. Started out too nice, but now planning to sue him for financial abuse. Not sure if I'll get any where, or if I'm just opening up a big can of stress worms.

I let him have more than me (no lawyers involved at all) and I’m glad; he is not a burden to my adult DC and we are still friends. He’s a bit bonkers but a good person, as am I. After 30 years, why would we not wish each other well? We’d never have survived without each other, but it ran its course, that’s all.

My mum did. She said she didn’t want anything for her, just money for kids. He has a huge pension now, she has nothing. Dad did pay more than enough for me and brother but so he bloody should have done. She did get the house-such a good job she did or she would be stuffed.

My mum gave up working to stay at home for dc. She did have part time jobs but nothing substantial.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Sorry you both have regrets. Would anything anyone said have made a difference?

Possibly yes. If someone had sat down and point blank said to me "He is a shit. He will always be a shit. The hassle and stress of fighting for what you're entitled to is short term pain and will soon pass. By not fighting for what's yours, you are allowing him to piss/gamble away money that is part of your children's future and that would be in safe hands and would benefit them if it's given to you" Then maybe I would've listened.

It sounds like theirs is a reasonably amicable split though, which is an entirely different scenario. I also think it depends if they have kids, as he's possibly doing the right thing if she will be the resident parent.

My mum went for 60/40 in my dad's favour because she felt guilty because she left him. She regretted that and it wasn't right as she'd supported the family singlehandedly for years.

They don’t have kids, neither of them wanted them. She doesn’t work, she quit without discussing it with him so she could spend more time with the pets she got without telling him.

Yup. Should have pushed for him to be changed with assault, insisted on selling the house and a bigger split of the assets as I could only work part time. I was a mug.