Feelings of loneliness

[happyonmyown1000]

Hi OP's

I'm a single OP to my DD. My ex and I split our time with our dd 50/50 so I have a big chunk of time to myself. My family is very small and live 300 miles away. My friends are all in couples and only seem to invite other couples to social events. I work from home. My head office is 200 miles away so I don't get involved with social events at work either.
As lockdown eases and people around me start making plans to socialise I find myself feeling more isolated than ever.
I'm looking for ways to help myself to feel less lonely. Does anyone have any advice? Xx

Hello I am feeling the same. I moved to another country last year to start a new life, sadly he dumped me so here without knowing a single soul. Due to lockdown have not had the opportunity to even try and meet people.

Due to various things, I never really got into the "mum groups" at the DCs schools, and then developing a chronic illness, meant that I dropped contact with the handful o f people i was friendly with (partly me, partly them). After a lightbulb moment, I realised that I didn't really like the area I was living in, and didn't have a great deal in common with a lot of the people there. So, I've packed up and moved four hours away to a place I've only visited once (for the day ), and am hoping to start doing stuff with other people once groups etc start up again.

I'm either very brave or very stupid .

Brave stories about people relocating. I admire the courage this takes.
However, I can relate to not having a great deal in common with others in the local area. I am fairly creative and most people I have met here are not, this area seems materially driven but perhaps it is similar in a lot of places. I plan to join some more groups when covid eases and things start opening up again, so hopefully I will have a couple of others to talk to with shared hobbies. I have the issue of having been a sahm for quite some time, I now have to create a bit of new identity (children still at home but youngest starting school sooner or later). Of course seeking work now, will be a headache with so many redundancies, so I think I will concentrate on hobbies, exercise, voluntary work and then perhaps some very part-time work (most likely in that order). It was easier when I worked, I never had to think about all of this, I trundled back and forth to the office. It was busy and although I got on with people, I never made any long lasting friendships sadly. I get a left behind sort of feeling at the school gates, now where a lot of mums are dashing off to work and therefore have an instant routine. Needless to say, I haven't missed the school run at all.

Plus, I find that I end up being the one messaging someone about meeting up. Or perhaps this is just how it feels. I want to make connections with others but it should be a two way thing!

Having friends with lots of friends does not help.

Cooking, distraction, phone calls to friends & family, hobbies and walking outdoors are what help me the most.

Hi OP, Loads of people are lonely, even those who look very busy with friends. Meetup is worth a go. Don't be afraid to start your own group, its really easy, and if it does not work out - there is no great loss. Join or start a book group or walking group, both are good for making friends.

A walking group might be a good one to try.

willsa - My local Meet-up has just started to meet-up by doing a socially distanced walk in park with limited numbers and getting a netball team going. Not gone to these but keeping an eye out for book group re-starting fingers crossed 🤞

Daphnesmate01 Snap about the school run have not missed that all!

Another who feels they could have written OP!
I am a LP to 1 dd and have 100% of care; she doesn't see her dad through his choice. Lockdown has been great in some ways but tough in many. I feel like we have already done a lot of the things we would usually spread out over the summer holidays and I'm lacking motivation atm.

Thanks for the peanut link. I did join Meetup but never actually got around to meeting up with any of the groups (another here who likes walking) and now there is no school I have zero time on my own anyway. For me that is the hardest part. I am glad it is the school holidays finally as at least the anxiety of her falling behind with school work has gone.

I'd also recommend a dog but remember that puppies chew EVERYTHING and a lot of places are not dog friendly I would love to go to a beach in the day but there aren't many all day dog friendly ones and I would rather not leave her home alone all day. She has been great for getting us out every day in lockdown though and certainly that has made a huge difference as I suspect we would have been on screens otherwise

I am also not working at the moment so I can go for weeks without physically talking to another adult. I am really struggling with that and am finding myself avoiding calling friends because I have no news and feel low so avoiding them seems to be safer. It's not very healthy. It hasn't helped that an old friend accused me of seeking communication with her husband on my birthday (which is not something I would ever do) because he offered to help with dd's bike - so I've actively lost a friend as well .All in all I think lockdown has really highlighted how few people I can ask for help.