Hi everyone,
even though I’m currently 35 wks preg with my 3rd child, I’ve never used this or any other chat forum before- but I think perhaps something about the lockdown maybe making me feel more isolated and missing outside reflections. But anyway, I’ve made it this far into this pregnancy dealing with this issue with my Dh which just keeps going on a loop and coming back round again. Need to talk to someone. - he’s just so damn lazy in my opinion. It’s driving me nuts. I’m approaching the end of this preg and I’m still the one doing all the organising for kids/home/work etc- I do most of the childcare, housework (omg he’s sooo messy which now nesting instinct has locked in is feeling pretty excruciating! ), I’ve earned all the money for the family for many months now, (Working from home preg) - I’ve bought literally everything for the baby and organised EVERYTHING- plus I’m doing the home educating of the other 2 kids- one of whom is a teenager who has a completely separate set of needs....all the bedtime & morning routines, plus all the admin to organise work (including for him though he hasn’t actually generated £ yet), I provide all the food, organise the cats vet trips, pay all the bills etc . I feel like I’m working day and night for little thanks or acknowledgement. Plus my other none of contention is even though my OH desperately wanted another child he seems to show little interest in the baby or me. There’s no romance, barely any intimacy (not for my lack of being open to that). He seems to switch off every evening and go into his distant bubble while I manage the kids bedtimes etc.. then he doesn’t come to bed until 2,3 or 4am most nights- which not only makes me feel neglected in pregnancy, obviously, he also often wakes me up and as you all prob know sleep is hard enough to come by in pregnancy! then of course he doesn’t get up
in the morning either or takes hours to get into any domestic/child/work oriented mode in the day. He seems to lod around doing one job to my 20 jobs, you know? Then he acts tired and runs himself a hot bath or whatever- it just makes me fume with irritation!
I’ve just been feeling so neglected, taken for granted, exhausted etc. Also, I’m in my early 40s- this is certainly a more physically taxing preg than before and I need more rest and to take care of my health more- but I’m just not receiving the rest or time I need.
Ive tried and tried to have this conversation repeatedly with him- have expressed my needs as reasonably and patiently as I can over n over- and it’s deteriorated into several arguments over the months as nothing seems to get through to him and I eventually either collapse into tears or scream with frustration. Ik not good and not that many times, but I’m just feeling so ignored, over burdened and stressed much of the time. I realise this lockdown is hard on everyone- and I truly do not find it easy to reach out or ask for help or complain, I’m one of those kinds of people- annoyingly so I might add. But lately I’m struggling to not feel a bit desperate and panicked at what kind of a future my family has, as I find this level of laziness and selfishness from my OH often unbearable, and I find myself contemplating leaving him and being a single mum of 3 in my 40s. Not a great thought for me to be having- I was a single mum with my eldest for years so I know exactly the reality of that. But that’s the other thing- I’m just feeling a bit too old to put up with this kind of crap.
Redeeming factors: there’s genuine love between my OH and I, he loves the kids, he’s not abusive etc and has a kind nature. But he’s disconnected, inattentive and not providing and lazy to a point that’s maddening.
Sorry for massive rant!
Appreciate second opinions?
Thanks ladies